Today as I took a walk to clear my mind of the many stresses that had occupied it for all the long day, that was now reaching a close; I happened upon a family playing in their swimming pool participating in a group game of "Marco-Polo." The kids laughed in delight at the possibility of being caught by their father who was played out to be Polo. At this, I was bombarded by memories of my own childhood circled around this very activity. I remember being a young round-bellied child in a blown up swimming pool that was always more than slightly uneven and trying so hard to be sneaky and not laugh while one of my siblings was in pursuit of "Marco." It was always a favorite of ours when our dad would be Polo and risk messing up his treasured hairdo all for the sake of fun. He was the best at the game and added a great deal of suspense and joy. I thought about how much has changed in my life since these early days of swimming in the pool and playing with my brother and sisters, and dad. It seems like a past life, one that wasn't even truly me, or my family but rather one I saw on television at some point long ago.

I wondered what my dad would think of me at this point in my life, obviously far from the young pudgy girl I was when he saw me last. Now a young adult amidst the stresses of my last year of high school, college pursuits, financial aid, part-time jobs, and not to mention failed relationships. I wondered if he would have any remedies for dealing with heart break, or advice about the uncertainty that will inevitably to be my future. If he would be proud of my being an honor roll student, or the fact that I have surmounted so many obstacles and pursued my life goals with such ambition. I wondered if he would be proud to be my dad; if he'd hold me tight when I was crying, or tell me how much I'm worth when break-ups proved to be difficult. If he'd interrogate potential boyfriends, and stay up late worrying; if he'd laugh at my jokes and annoy all my friends with his corny sense of humor; if he would walk me down the aisle and dance with me on my wedding day.
I thought about all the things I had missed out on with my dad not being apart of my life... I thought about all the difficulties I had to face and all the troubling times I had to endure with him not helping me through. I thought about the fact that although my dad was never around to do any of these things, God was and has blessed my life with many people who have taken the place of the father that my dad didn't. I thought about the many people who have helped me grow and encouraged me throughout my life and I realized, that although I will never know what my life would have been with my dad in it, I have been blessed with multiple dads, just everyday people that God has placed in my life to fill that void and remind me of what truly matters.