Fairy Tale

My heart is troubled. My brain is racing. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on. So I’m writing down what I feel trying to make sense of what’s there. This may not be the happy fairy tale ending but this is not a fairy tale. This is real life, no princesses, no princes, no knight in shining armor. There’s no easy happily ever after. You always have to work for it. Cause real life is never going to be easy. You can call me dark, insane, nothing more than a trouble girl but don’t call me a liar, cause that I just won’t stand. If I’m a liar what does that make you, a hypocrite, a fake or a liar too? I sit here writing this with the sadness of death and the happiness of love but the pain of a broken heart. I never really knew how much my heart would be burden with all of this. It’s been a year since I lost you, my dear. I never want to truly accept that you are gone. You think I would be able to accept it and move on but I can’t or maybe it’s because I don’t want to. You were my best friend, but you were so hard headed, I couldn’t stop you even if I tried. I tried to change your mind but I guess I didn’t do a good job because you are not here with me. Lately life seems to be unbearable cause I don’t have anyone to talk to that will understand me when I don’t make sense, the way you did. There are so many things I wish to tell that burdens my heart. My heart is yearning out for someone to listen. I talk to him every day. He calls and we talk for hours, I sit and listen to him about his troubles and loves. He cries so much that it hurts me so. That’s the part that kills me the most, I get so close to people and let them in and then they leave. I listen so much to everyone’s problems but only trying to cover up the pain that hide inside that so badly want to come out. My heart is screaming

“Listen to me! Do you care that I carry these burdens? I try so hard to be happy but every day a new burden is place upon me!”

Now I place a new burden upon my troubled heart. The broken of a new found love. I only wrote it because I needed to write something. I didn’t mean it to break you love apart. She told me I had a gift, a gift of writing, but what’s the point of writing if it only brings troubles on the people I care so very much about? I don’t think anyone understands the burden I carry. When the world just seems to be a place I just can’t stay. I dream of a place, a fairy tale place. So beautiful in sight, no crying, no more pain, no more death. Everything bad seems to disappear. Everything is the way I want it, a happy life, and a fairy tale life. That’s all I ever wanted, is that too much to ask? Wanting to live in a place where I don’t have to be troubled with the burdens of my heart, my broken heart. Do you want to hear of my beautiful place, the place that I so badly want to be, the place so beautiful that I can’t describe. The streets are made of gold. The gates that surround the beautiful place are pearly white. Walking down the streets of gold, mansions line the side. Every mansion made for every person made in advance. Made by hand by the wonderful man that rules this beautiful place, that’s only the beginning of this beautiful place, in the middle of the city is a golden chair and there sits the man that created this beautiful, spotless place that I so long to be. That’s the place, the beautiful place I long to be. Thinking and dreaming only last for a little while. Living in this lonely place with a burdened heart takes so much out of me. The only thing that is keeping me sane is walking. I don’t know where I go but I walk. I walk to make my burden heart seem light. All the troubles seem to disappear when I walk. I walk so far that I don’t know where I am but I don’t care. I really just want to keep walking not wanting to go back to the place where the troubles are all too real, waiting there to haunt me and burden my heart once more. My heart so very broken that it gets hard to sleep at night. I try so very hard to sleep but instead I cry so very hard, my eyes so puffy and blood red. Fairy tales are only dreams that make you cry. They have happy endings but in real life the ending is not always a happy one. Fairy tales never seem to have troubles but if it does they are so small and never seem real. Fighting dragons, fighting evil witches, the true love’s first kiss will break the curse. Real life’s troubles are not like that. These troubles are so unmistakably real. Death, love, heart breaks, troubled home, a shattered life. Those troubles in those fairy tales seem so easy to me that I so would rather deal with then dealing with those problems of the real life that burden my heart so. I don’t think life understands my emotional feelings, absolute rears and burden heart. I shudder and shake my being erupting in the quake of yet another storm. My heart filled with love, sadness and overflowing, with strong passions, abandoned hopelessly in a colossal shipwreck. I’m not strong but in my weakness, love has had its strength but somehow life watches in jest to see the waves thrash up the bows. Now there is no rest. No happiness, nothing that I keeping me going. I don’t understand why life is so harsh and cruel when fairy tales are so perfect no matter how bad they get. The girls always get their knight in shining armor after saving them from a terrible situation. It’s never fair that the people that write fairy tales get smiles and a good job but the people that write about the truth of life, they get shunned and looked upon as dark and negative. Well little do those people know that this may be dark and negative but it’s the truth and I’m not a liar that you claim me to be? Another day come and gone and yet my heart burden by the troubles of this world. It breaks my heart to see him go. I rather see him go then watch him break my heart. Oh, how badly I wish to have a fairy tale, a knight in shining armor to save me from this shipwrecked life. I thought you were my knight in shining armor, the true love that would break the curse and be the prince that I would live to be with forever. My heart is breaking but there’s always something good coming out of the heart breaking.

I get up, off my rock, overlooking the ocean blue. I walk along the sand feeling the wave’s crash against my legs. I’ll walk along this lone island until my heart is free from these burdens. Until my fairy tale is complete.