I AM PHONY AND I AM WRITING ABOUT THIS

I’m a phony person. I can be your friend for a moment. If you say something very petty that I don’t like. I’m going to turn against you; you’re not going to know why. I’m just going to stop talking to you. I’m not going to tell you why because it’s petty. I keep my thoughts to myself because people’s flaws are what catch my attention during first impressions. I focus on the flaws in anything. I know that it is wrong to focus on the negative things about people. I do realize that nobody is perfect an. It shouldn’t matter so much. But I can’t help the way I think, and I tend to lose friends because of my habits.
For instance, one of my friends is a faithful cheater. She’s faithful to cheating. I don’t like it, but she doesn’t know I don’t like it. So I stopped talking to her but she doesn’t know why. She would text me “why aren’t we talking!”, and I refuse to answer her question.
I am also a grudge holder. If you come at me the wrong way or on the wrong day, I’m going to hold it against you till I feel like getting over it! Now don’t get me wrong, I do have friends. Good friends they like me because I’m real. My tendency is to being brutally honest. My good friends have been put through hell and back to be my best friend. We been through ups and downs because I may say something that’s true and it hurts. Yeah, we may not talk for a couple of days, but at the end of the week were just gossiping away about anything that comes to mind. That’s why I love them. Either you’re going to love me or hate me; I don’t change for anyone satisfaction. I don’t have time for that. I see that I’m not a good friend because I’m not honest with being honest. What makes a good friend is honesty; saying everything and anything even if it hurts it’s the truth. But I go against a true friend rule because I don’t tell them my thoughts.
I have too many problems with friendships. This is why I chose to explore the point of view on friendships. What are “successful” friends do? How do they deal with honesty? How do they know when to say things and when not to? How do they see the flaws in others but still stay close to them? I’m going to find out the answers to these questions.