After knocking heads with another student at my school’s homecoming dance, I was dizzy, couldn’t walk straight, and had trouble speaking, along with the instant head pain and nausea that typically comes along with a concussion. Although I didn’t have the ability to talk to my dad on the phone (A friend had to talk to him) nor could I walk to the car without tripping over a set of truncated domes, I had just enough processing power to realize that another brain injury is nothing but bad news. I had not been seen by a professional healthcare provider yet, but I had a bad feeling that that night would be added to the list of days I suffered life-changing injuries. As it turns out, that was my third concussion I received on my school campus and my fourth overall.

I sustained my fourth concussion in October 2021 that has left me with debilitating and persisting symptoms. The first concussion I ever got was in 5th grade when I was dropped on my head while being spotted during gymnastics. I blacked out when I got that concussion, setting me up for a future of concussion prevention for my already-damaged cranium. I got my second concussion in 7th grade at my new school when someone kicked a soccer ball at my head during a scrimmage. Ironically enough, I got my third concussion on that same field in the same exact way in 9th grade, when I was walking on the field while cleaning up after soccer practice and someone didn’t see me. They managed to peg me right on the left side of my head and knocked me to the ground. Don’t worry, I quit soccer after that. But unfortunately, my brain was now more susceptible to injury, so I got concussed at the homecoming dance due to a collision that would not normally have this large of an impact. Brain injuries are so frustrating to deal with due to the fact that they are invisible, and the worst part of my Post-Concussive Syndrome is not knowing when it will end. Trying a variety of treatments and being met with disappointment has left me with depression and anxiety that swims through my brain daily. 

Because of this brain injury, I have struggled with multiple aspects of my academics junior year, especially with math, as the course builds on previous lessons, it was extremely difficult to stay caught up while also doing make-up work. Since that concussion, I have had daily headaches and nausea that affect my ability to function at full capacity. I also experience brain fog, fatigue, and difficulty concentrating. As I have been diagnosed with Post-Concussive Syndrome, I have been seeing a multitude of specialists in an attempt to reduce the impact of my concussion, and this list continues to grow. At this point, I have seen three neurologists (two pediatric, one adult), gone through a pain management clinic twice, gone to physical therapy, as well as regular therapy, gotten botox, taken at least one drug from almost every family of pain-relief pharmaceuticals, and more. But unfortunately, there have been no long-term solutions and I am still searching for relief. Even through this hardship, I am confident in my ability to not give up, even when it is difficult. I have developed new learning strategies that I can use going forward to work around the struggles that come with a long-term injury, and despite this problem, I am confident in my ability to work around struggles and persist. Although this setback has led to self-doubt regarding my academic ability, my ability to bounce back from this challenge proves that I am not someone who quits at the first sign of difficulty.

My brain is continuously preoccupied with my pain and the anxiety that accompanies it, along with the things a normal teenager thinks about. This unfortunate combination has been extremely detrimental to all aspects of my life - social, academic, health, wellbeing. While soccer used to be one of my favorite things to do, I was forced to quit by my doctors and family. It is still extremely difficult for me to grapple with this reality, as I know it is for my own health and safety, but it is still disappointing to have to quit the sport you love. I had to give up my dream of playing collegiate soccer, something I had been dreaming about since I was little. I was also hoping to follow in my mom’s footsteps, who played division III soccer at Claremont McKenna College while prepping for law school. But if the hardship I have experienced and am still experiencing has taught me anything, it has taught me how strong I am. Through multiple brain injuries, against all odds, I persist and I possess the strength to make it to the next day. My personal experiences are reminiscent of a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby, perhaps the most iconic quote of the book. The quote reads, “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” The philosophy I live by, which is suggested in the ultimate line of The Great Gatsby and exemplified by my favorite philosopher, Albert Camus’ absurdist philosophy, fuels the fire that keeps me going. I am ambitious because I know I am not just someone who survives, but someone who lives and thrives.