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Focus: A Memoir of Skylar, for Skylar
Every person has something that they love. That specific thing that they just simply cannot get enough of. That, for me, is music. I was told I used to carry around a little battery-operated keyboard I found at my grandmother’s house at eighteen months old. I would turn on the pre-programmed songs, hold the keyboard on my shoulder and dance around until the batteries ran out. I had such a fascination with this keyboard, it was probably an easy gift idea for Santa Claus to bestow upon me my first Fisher-Price keyboard. Five days before I turned two was Christmas Day. That Christmas was spent with me standing at the keyboard, giving concerts to anyone that would listen. Because of my focus on music, my academics went on the back burner. Being stubborn, I figured there was no point in dealing with my ADHD. Consequently, my grades dropped uncomfortably low. Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder should be treated like any other mental disorder.
Creating music is something I have always been interested in. Being able to sit down at a piano, or singing in a choir is an indescribable feeling. That feeling, however, is addictive. Ignoring the teacher, I would sit in class and think about what we were going to do in choir. Tapping my fingers on the desk, imitating piano keys was also a common thing that I would do to distract myself from classwork. I did not really have to study or pay attention in class before high school to get straight A’s in all of my classes. I ended up getting terrible grades once my studies became more individualized and challenging.
Figuring out a way to deal with my Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder was something that most people think would be easy. Because ADHD is a well known disorder, a common assumption is that people grow out of it when they reach adulthood. Now almost eighteen, I can say that is not the case. Having your mind run as fast as a jackrabbit comes with consequences: anxiety, extreme emotions, and procrastination.
I started treatment for my ADHD when I was six years old. My parents took me to a pediatric psychiatrist, and he told us if there were a poster child for ADHD at six years old, I would be it. Instead of using medication, my parents decided to go the sports route. At one time in my life, I was in four different sports. This caused my mental health to become a lot better.
My fourth grade year, I began to do gymnastics. It encompassed all of my free time. Previously, I had gymnastics practice everyday for four hours at a time. This became a problem after I retired from gymnastics. Without having practice everyday, I had a lot of time on my hands. Instead of using that time to work on schoolwork, I decided that choir and piano was more important. Seeing this, my mother decided it was time for me to be medicated; however, I took myself off of it. When I was sitting down at my piano, or walking down the hallways at school with my headphones in, I felt as if I did not need any medicine to make me feel better. I decided to go to therapy the end of my junior year; I realized I could not battle ADHD on my own. Having medicine did not cure me; practicing the piano or choir music got me the closest to an equilibrium. Being able to use music not just as a release of emotions caused me to become a happier, healthier me.
Music had always been in my life, but I hadn’t ever used music as a way to battle my ADHD. ADHD is common in children and teenagers, and it is so easy to go down a dark path just to find a release of energy. There’s something about breaking down a piece of music. To really decipher it, study the subtext behind it, and then build it back up again to make it my own. It calms me. My mind went a mile a minute and when I start to play the piano, or sightread a song, I am finally able to think clearly, and I am able to fulfill everything that I am capable of.
Having ADHD is not something a person should be ashamed of. Some of the brightest people are getting bad grades in school, or allowing themselves to be negative because of this disorder. I did not allow myself to continue to go down a dark path, and I am so proud to say that I did it. With the help from my passion, music, I made it through a dark depression. Finally taking my disorder into my own hands, I am able to balance my academic and personal life.
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