You look at me like I am nothing. Like I’m a placeholder for your real friend to fit in later on. I wish you looked at me differently, I wish you looked at me how I look at you. Like family, like blood, I’d do anything for your benefit, and I’ve yet to feel the same. I’m disappointed. It’s not an emotion anymore but rather a state of being. A never ending cycle of tears and sighs of letdown; I’m caught and locked in.

I met you and immediately knew you were someone special to me. You have a face that always makes people think you’re mad, but on this day, at first sight, I saw the smile that I would come to know so well and love. Freshman year was the greatest year of my life because of you. My daily routine became engulfed around you and your house, your family. I really felt like you were my brother, like I’d known you my entire life. Our interest were almost identical, we loved the same sports, hobbies, music. My best friend, I had found my best friend.

We did almost everything together. Where you went I went, wherever it may be however long it would’ve taken. In such a short time I had learned every inch of information your soul had to bear, I knew you for the person you were. I loved you like a brother, a love I felt so strong in my heart. If you were ever down in the dumps I’d be the first one there for you, your emotions became mine because I would not let you go through it alone. When my emotions got the better of me, a rare site, you were the only one who could bring my smile back. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better, for anything more.

You’re family became my family and it only strengthened the brotherly bond we had created. Your mom treated me like one of her own, your dad acted like another one of the guys. I really felt at home with you, I knew it’d never be a sleepy day. But time passed, year upon year people came and went and you became detached. A silhouette fading in the distance.

Where did you go? I see you, crystal clear, but who I see is a stranger. My best friend, my brother, a stranger. Sophomore year into junior year I began to feel you becoming distant. Our group of friends began to spread off in clumps, my clump did not include you. I fought and fought, I went out of my way, though I never told you, I fought for our friendship when I felt you could care less if it died. You began to forget me, I began to get jealous. Your interest became sporadic, what we once enjoyed together you couldn’t stand. I didn’t see you as much, not like freshman year. Where did you go? I began to miss you.

You became involved in things I didn’t approve for myself, I began to distance myself and it tore me apart. All I wanted was for that initial spark to come back, the relationship we had to reappear and prosper. Petty wishes. You weren’t like me as much as I want to think you are. I have high hopes, I expect so much more because I know there is more in you than what you want to show. I know you. Though too little too late, you were gone. Time brought me a healing remedy, but I still check up on you, I still care so much. I still love my best friend.

Disappointment looms on me constantly. It’s not because of you, it’s not because of how you left me, how you made me feel used and uncared for, it’s because I took it for so long. I reminisce on the good times we had and I do not regret anything. I don’t regret caring for you, because I haven’t stopped. I don’t regret helping you so much, being there regardless of the problems it may occur for me. I don’t regret meeting you, it’s probably one of the best moments of my life. Though I regret letting it drag on for so long. I am disappointed in myself.