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It Gets Better
I grew up on a military base, moving from state to state. I never really had a place to call home. My dad was gone a lot of my childhood and I never had many friends because either I would move or they would move away from me. It was like a revolving door of people in my life. No one stayed for long. After years of not having anyone to turn to, it all stopped. I finally had a place I could call me home. But people were still revolving out of my life. Two years after moving to Colorado, my sister left for college. She was my best friend, the person I turned to for everything and I didn’t have her anymore. With all this going on I was also bullied, I was too big, not pretty enough, the “new girl”. I never seemed to be good enough. Then middle school rolled around, a fresh start, I was wrong. It wasn’t a fresh start, the bullying just got worse. I did however start to get some friends that did stay. I had them to turn to, and then high school. High school was supposed to be this magical and happy time in my life. “There so many people there, you’re not going to have those same problems, the bullies will move past it.” Again, I was wrong. I didn’t think I could hear such hurtful things from someone before. I used to come home every day crying my eyes out, saying I wasn’t good enough, that they were right. I got depressed and tried to end my life. I kept saying to myself, “No one will miss you, you’re worthless.” But then it all stopped, I looked down at my phone in my hand and I read, “You’re worth you, you matter to me. I need you.” I stopped what I was doing and I thought, when I say all those things to me I’m just like them. I’m bullying myself, telling myself exactly what they were saying, but why? Why let them win, take my life into their hands? I know this seems like I’m going on and on about me and my struggles, but my point is after that moment in my life, I never took anything for granted. Even though I couldn’t see the beauty that has been inside of me all along, I can now see the beauty in everything around me. So I’m grateful to be apart of this life, my friends and family showed me that everything is important. Especially someone's life.
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