i once was a girl who was alone and afriad and i began thinking to myself "why am i like this?" i had plenty of chances to have friends and be in the "popular" crowd but for some reason i chose not to be. i wanted to be alone till i was alone. thats when it sunk in. the regret and the hate for myself.i grew up with a really unstable family. my mother had a problem with drugs and my dad wasnt around. and my moms boyfriend was abusive. i remeber laying in the floor with my 3 younger brothers thinking "will this ever end?". instead of things going forward for the positive outlook through the years everything seemed to get worse. then when i was 11 i didnt think it could get any worse after my paw-paw died. soon after i started to cave in. i was hearing voices humming in my head telling me i was "worthless" and "a mistake". after a few years on my 14th birthday i couldnt take it. i recently got dumped by my fourteen month relationship and i just wanted to die. so i remeber running to the kitchen and grabbing a knive. and without second thought i pushed it into my skin...deeper and deeper intill i couldnt breath and a puddle of blood was on the counter. i felt the worry and anxiety rush out of me. i felt better. but hours after when i wore short sleeves people noticed the cuts and scars. my behavior was out ragous. i was lashing out and fighting i was trying everything i could to get away from...myself. intill i cut to deep or drank to much and i was overdosing. then i knew i had to stop. i went to my counsler at school and told her i was ready to change. thats when i got sent to a intitute in memphis tennessee. i was there for 3 weeks and my mom came and got me. i was doing ok for a while till i was seeing that nothing was changing then i went to my uncle and told him i wasnt doing ok. i was still falling apart. then he got me some more help from meridian and there is when i realized i never got passed 3 months of no self harm. intill now. now im 6 months clean and im okay. i live with my aunt and uncle and i have hope. just by asking someone to help me. i got help