School has never been easy for me. For me, it’s been full of mixed emotions and many tears. Grades weren’t the problem. I never had stellar grades but passing grades were never an issue. Sometimes passing was an obstacle I barely made it over. As I already said it wasn’t my grades but my attendance.  

In fourth grade, I started having having pain I hadn’t experienced before. After awhile the pain became unbearable. During these times I missed a lot of school. The times that pain was bearable I still didn't go to school. When you miss so much school you don’t fit in anymore and you’re not the teacher's favorite student, for lack of better words. Later that year I found out the pain was caused by a kidney stones and needed a procedure to crush them into smaller pieces. I was the doctors second youngest patient at the age of nine. After the procedure I was on a diet with low sodium. Nobody took a nine-year-old who asked ‘Does this have low sodium?’ or ‘How much sodium does this have?’ very seriously. Though I was better I still didn’t go to school often. I was scared an attack would happen. When I had my attacks I couldn’t do much other than curl in a ball and wait.

By fifth grade all I wanted to do was be a ‘normal’ kid and go to school. I wanted to see my friends everyday and have sleepovers. That year I missed as much as a few days for doctors appointments. I got straight A’s and got into reading. I loved my teacher who treated me the same as every other kid. I loved my fifth grade year and was even excited for sixth grade.

When sixth grade came I started having troubles again. My sixth grade year was the worst year I have encountered yet, next to eighth grade. Me and a group of girls were constantly fighting. I got called to the office all too often. I was called a ‘bully’. I try my best not to remember that year. I had my good days and bad days. Being called a ‘bully’ took its tole. I missed more school simply because i didn’t feel good or I just didn’t want to go. 

I knew it was time for a change. On challenge day I was sick. I felt like they were having it for me and that scared me. I changed for the better. I still showed up to school less and less. Yes, I was sick a lot but there were times I just didn’t go. I developed a lot of anxiety problems and often had panic attacks. When I had attacks all I would do is sit in a ball and wait just like I did when I had kidney stones.

It felt like I couldn’t catch a break. Teachers asked if all my hair dye went to my head. They accused me of cheating and they began calling me ‘part-timer’. I felt like if they didn’t understand no one would. Sometimes I felt like it was me against the world around me. I would constantly feel they didn’t even want me to go.

I know now that they just cared and wanted me to succeed. I found out that only I could make myself show up and only I could apply myself. I learned it’s okay to be sick and miss a few days. These series of events helped me shape the person and student I am today. I am proud of who I am today. I feel like a different person because I have a complete different attitude. Though sometimes I dread school it isn’t for the same reason. I still have ongoing health issues I have learned to deal with them in a different way.