The bright morning sun shone through the lacy white curtains in my bedroom. I turned on my side trying to get comfortable. Feeling lazy I snuggled into the silky soft sheets and wrapped myself tighter in the white feather comforter that engulfed the bed. My cell phone buzzed. Reaching over I tapped the screen to open the message.

Travis: Good morning beautiful! Time to get up?

Me: Good morning to you to… How was your night?
I plunked my phone back on the black trunk beside my bed which served as a night stand. I stretched like a cat loosening all my muscles. Finally deciding I should probably get up, I was interrupted by my door creaking open. My sister Lauren walked into the room bouncing my nephew in her arms. “Get up sleepy head. Breakfast in fifteen. We leave for church in an hour.” She gently laid Everett in my arms and retreated back to the kitchen. I snuggle the baby feeling content. Stroking his baby soft cheek and nose I think about how life is so good, and how this weekend with my girlfriends in Washington has been the best ever.

The rest of the morning passed in a blur. I got up and ate a breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast, and apple juice. Afterwards Lauren, her husband Nathan and I hurried to get ready and leave within the hour. We drove to the Clark County event center for our huge church meetings where all the people in my faith were gathering. Like all the previous days we pulled off the exit and waited our turn while the long line of cars and trucks were waiting to get in. Everyone merged and blinkers clicked as we were directed by the parking staff. I roll up my window shutting out the crisp fresh air.

Once inside the sound of constant chatter met my ears. Everywhere people were visiting with one another. There was no way to find a specific person you were looking for. We were like ants on an aunt hill, hardly and space in between. Yet… I felt peace.

Today church was long. It was communion Sunday so we got out around 2 p.m. I was tired from sitting so long so I decided to go home with Lauren, take a nap, and then maybe catch up with some young kids to hang out. My girlfriends from Kalispell were already on their way home. My best friend, Lineesa, left before church with her boyfriend Ryan. The rest of the girls left right after church. I was going back home in a couple of days. On the ride back to Lauren’s I talked with her and Nathan.

“Meetings have been so nice.” I say.

“They have haven’t they?” Nathan replies.

“It is so good to see everyone together. It will be sad when everyone goes home.”

And I meant it.

We pulled up to their apple green house and I got out unlocking Everett’s car-seat. I coo at him as I stand on the patio letting the warm sun beat down on me. I carry him into the house, and as we walk in the cold air hits us. Ahhh … feels so good. Then I go take a nap.

Feeling groggy, my head spinning I wake up to my phone vibrating excitedly on the bed. Managing a hello I walk down the hall towards the living room where I know my phone has better service. I look down and straighten my very crumpled clothes waiting for a reply on the other end.

“Justine? You need to call Lamar.” That’s my uncle. “Lineesa and Ryan have been in a car accident. Ryan is in critical condition, but they won’t release information on Lineesa until her mom or dad calls.” My heart twinges in fear and I feel a lump rise into my throat.

“Ok Dustin, what’s the number?” I asked in a scared voice. He rattles it off and I tell him to call me as soon as he hears anything. After, I called my uncle. He promises to call me back. My sister is asking a million questions and I tell her the very little that I know.

“Maybe she’s not hurt… Maybe she is at a different hospital.” Lauren says. This of course is supposed to be reassuring and we continue to find reasons that everything has to be ok. Our thoughts were interrupted by my phone buzzing and I answered before its second ring.

“Hello?”

“Nothing! They know nothing… can you give me that number again?” Lamar asks. I repeat and we get off.

Of course this is on my mind even as Lauren, Nathan, and I head up to my aunt and uncle’s for dinner and to visit. Dane and Yvonne greet us with a warm bear hug from each of them.

Half an hour after our arrival I’m puttering around their little retro house bouncing my nephew. Their kitchen is done in red and white. The small living room has to white couches covered in several pillows of all colors. The room adjoining is covered by a curtain; their bedroom.
Everett began to fuss and I took him into my aunt’s bedroom to change his diaper on a tall antique yellow dresser that served as a changing table. Hardly into the task, my cell phone lit up. I grab it hoping that someone was going to tell me what was going on. Little did I know that in the next few moments my life would change forever, and I would want to take back the phone call I was about to answer. Immediately I knew things were bad when my friend Danielle’s choking voice sounded over the phone.

“She didn’t make it.”

As if a floodgate had been opened, hot salty tears streamed endlessly down my cheeks as I began to sob. It took everything in me to hold my shaking legs underneath myself. After that it is unknown to me what was said between us except that we loved each other. I clicked of my phone and sobbing called for my sister. She hurried in and I looked at her with a heart wrenching sorrow in my eyes.

“You have to finish. I can’t.” I handed over the task of Everett’s diaper changing.

“What happened?” Lauren asks to be certain although I am pretty sure she already knew.

“She’s gone.” I manage to squeak and half choke out. She looked stricken as the news was confirmed.

“Go get Nathan.”

I run for the door hardly controlling myself. I flew down the stairs to the outside patio.

“Nathan, come here.” He stares at me as if to question my seriousness and then we headed back to the bedroom where my sister is bawling. We tell Nathan what happened after my Aunt Yvonne took Everett. We three sat holding each other, rocking, sobbing… wondering. It felt like it was the only thing holding me together, keeping me from running and screaming in anguish. The strong arms held me close as my world tumbled down. Like string binding together what was left of me. Soon it felt as if that string was twirling around me wrapping tighter and tighter as I became small compared to the twine that was beginning to effulge my very being. I was suffocating. Going outside my dad calls and we talked. He sounds like a broken man sad for the death of his niece and for what lied ahead. I cried harder wondering what her boyfriend was going to do and how I felt like all my future held was dragging of feet and silent, constant tears trailing down my face as I walked the halls at school. I felt black, and at the same time knew I would be taken care of. My tide ceased and within seconds waves again began crashing over me, overtaking me. I call my best friend Travis and he doesn’t answer. I felt desperate to hear his voice and kept trying. After the fifth or so call, I called his house and his mom answered. I explain the situation to her through my evident grief and sobs that are hardly allowing me to breathe. Taking deep breaths I gasp and choke as she comforts me. I was thankful for that. The night continues and all I want is to go home, crawl in bed, and hide from the world. My dad told me to look for comfort in the family around me, so I tried. Arms held me… voices reassured me… and many words were spoken.

So many emotions pulled me in. My eyes were puffy and red, swollen like a pregnant mother. Later into the night I gripped reality and remember with thankfulness my weekend with her. I remember running on the beach hand in hand while fireworks lit the sky and threatened to bite our bare feet; squealing and giggling as the hazy smoke burned our eye; talking long into the night about boyfriend; forgiving one another for our wrong doing; going to church; eating candy we had bought from Winco; the rodeo; driving to Washington; comforting words she always gave me when I was hurting and sad. It felt wrong that she of all people was gone, when right now it would be her hugging me.

As I allow myself to think I will never see her again, I see her laughing over my shoulder. She was right there and part of me knew that everything is going to be ok. Now, I cry softly for all the would have been; laughing while our children played; walking down the aisle on my wedding day with her waiting at the end for me. I knew that she would still be there as even now I knew she is watching over me.

That night I slept with my sister and her husband. We stayed up late talking about how unreal it was. All weekend she was glowing, happy, laughing, and so full of hopes and dreams. She was hardly without a doubt or a fear, and after contemplating it I knew why. It was her that’s why. She was Lineesa… that’s why.

Forever and to this day I will remember when my heart broke. Lineesa Rose, who was my best friend, was taken to her eternal home in heaven. She will forever be my anchor in life as I know god has the perfect plan. Lineesa made her life goal regardless of the fact she dreamed about marrying and becoming a mother. I know that is all that really matters, and that she wouldn’t want us to think about the life she could have had. I know that forever, some days will feel unbearable, but god can and will take care of his own. I shall see her again someday, and when that day comes I will be singing praises to my heavenly father.

Until then I must wait for the vine to ripen.