I woke up early on a Sunday morning. At first, I couldn’t get out of my dream world. Then, realization hit me. It was the day of my piano audition. The day that decided whether I would go on to play in Carnegie or not.

I desperately wanted to practice, but of course, since it was so early, I couldn’t. Instead, I sat in my bed with my stomach in a huge knot, thinking about the day ahead of me. At eight o’clock sharp, I would have to leave my home to go to Westminster Choir College for my audition. I sat on my bed and my legs started jiggling like they always did when I was nervous. Usually, I tried to control my leg jiggling, but this day, I figured, was an exception. Today would be my first time auditioning for something as big as playing in Carnegie or other music halls.

After a few minutes of sitting there on my bed with my legs jiggling faster and faster until it was more like spazzing, I decided to get up and eat my breakfast. Everything seemed harder. Walking down the stairs was an effort. Getting out the milk, bowl, and cereal? It was almost impossible.

As I sat there eating my bowl of soggy cereal, I thought, “Why am I so nervous? I’ve sung a countless number of times with Princeton Girlchoir at much bigger places than this and under much more pressure, so why am I so nervous?”

I sat there at the table, chewing slowly and contemplating this thought until I finished the bowl. Just at that time, I heard my parents getting up right over my head. I sighed and thought, “This is the start of the day,” and put my bowl in the sink. The next few hours whirled by. I took a quick shower, put on my dress, sat at the piano, practiced a couple of times, and left for the college.

The ride there was agonizing. I felt like there was a giant in my stomach, pounding against the stomach walls to be freed because I was so nervous. It wasn’t until we entered through the gates of Westminster until the pounding finally died down. All of a sudden, I felt confident that I could do this; I could succeed. I hopped out of the car with the thought of the battle ahead energizing me, and I walked briskly to the waiting room with my family. As soon as I entered, a wave of nausea hit me. The room was packed with kids who would be trying out for this. Their ages varied from around seven to maybe even sixteen! Many of the participants held similar books to mine to give to the judges. How would I win over all these people? And not only these people, but also the ones who would be auditioning later in the day? My mom suddenly leaned over and said, “There’s a lot of competition, Brianne. You’ll have to do really well. But I know you can.”

For some reason, what my mom said made the pounding in my stomach start all over again, and I was a bit irritated at my mother for making me nervous again. I speed-walked over to the sign-in table and indicated that I was present. Then, I somehow found a seat to squeeze myself onto and did some more waiting for a torturous thirty minutes. After a couple of seconds, my legs started jiggling out of control again and I tried to stop them. But somehow, suppressing he jiggling made me even more nervous. So reluctantly, I allowed my legs to start spazzing again and waited.

After some time, my name wormed itself into my brain and it suddenly registered that I was being called to go in. I sprang up, music book clutched to my ribcage, and followed the judge through the door into the room. I knew somehow that everyone’s eyes were on me. A lot of people were probably hoping that I would do badly, but maybe some nicer people were wishing me good luck in their minds.

I never found out and I probably never will.

With that thought lingering in my mind, I sat myself down on the stool and waited for the judge to give me instructions. After a few seconds, I asked, “Um, can I just warm myself up a bit?” The man smiled, nodded, and waited. I took a deep breath, reminded myself that I had to do well, that even warm-ups were supposed to impress the judges, and proceeded in running my fingers up and down in the order of the C major scale. As soon as I touched those ivory keys, all my anxieties melted away. And not just my troubles about his audition, either. All my worries and fears seemed to vanish into thin air as I played that simple scale. A bit too soon, my warm-up ended and everything I had left behind started to creep back again. My judge, while scribbling notes already about me, said, “All right, please play your piece now.” I nodded, and I raised my shaky hands once again to the keys, placed my foot on the pedal, and began.

To my relief, I again started to melt while playing my piece. I sank into the musical utopia and I started to flow with the music, “Doctor Gradus ad Parnassum”. The song, like a river, swelled and crashed in some places and flowed beautifully in others. All too soon, my beautiful song ended and I was forced to come back into reality, as i did in the morning. But this time, the anxiety was gone and was replaced by my pride.

I looked over at my judge and waited for my dismissal. My judge, still scribbling down some last minute notes, looked up briefly, smiled again, and said I could go. I smiled and waited outside the door for my music (which my judge was still using to take notes with) and looked over at the kids still waiting for their turn. They were leaning against the wall or sitting down, fiddling with their fingers or rocking back and forth. Some were even jiggling their feet as I had been doing previously. Although I felt sort of badly about it afterwards, I couldn’t help laughing a little in my head. To think I had looked like that when I was waiting!

After what seemed like forever, My judge finally came out of the room and handed me my music, and told me “Great job today!” for the last time and told me I could leave. I walked out of Westminster feeling accomplished and prepared for whatever life was about to throw at me (which I find ridiculous because I played piano and walked out feeling like the Hulk… that seems a little weird to me) and proceeded to my next challenge… going to church with a dress on!


* Doctor Gradus ad Parnassum is a piece by Claude Debussy, part of Childrens’ Corner. It mimics the slow and calm pieces of different composers and makes it more interesting, in the “Debussy way”.