The End To New Beginnings

I was in the van, while my Mom and Step Dad were inside the drug dealer’s house. It was cold outside, and all white with snow. My Step Dad and I got into an argument about something stupid. I hit the side of the inside door of the van. My hand hurt badly; there was a stinging feeling in my hand. The cold air in the van didn’t help that much either.

I heard the sound of snow crunching. I turned around in my seat and the van door opened. The coldness and the smell of the fresh winter breeze came through the opened door, mixed with cigarette smoke and the smell of marijuana on my step dad. Before he got to me, I jumped into the backseat, which was laid out into a bed. All of a sudden his heavy bodies on top of me. Swearing at me and calling me names and telling me that I’m worthless.

I could taste his nasty breath in my own mouth. The smell of him made me sick to my stomach. His hand is slapping me across the face. Every hit feels like thorns piercing me in my face. He keeps hitting me with his rough, big hands. My face is throbbing. He punches me slightly in my eye. I kick him off me for just a second with my boots. I try to escape. Then he pins me down again. He’s on top of me with his face so close to mine I want to puke. I hate the smell of him. I hate everything about him right now. He starts choking me. I can’t breathe. Then he finally gets off me and walks back inside.

When I see that he’s inside the house. I run out of the van, the freshness of the outdoors hits me in the face. The snowflakes feel good against my throbbing face. I run for about a mile down the road. All I see is trees and barley any houses. Then I get to a place that I recognize. The smell of the hay and animals fill my nose. I love the smell of the farm. I know that I’m safe for a while.

I walk up to the porch. The snow is crunching under my boots. The air and wind is starting to get to me now. I’m shivering from head to toe from running in this weather. I knock on the door, the door creaks open and Mrs. D. answers it. The sound of her voice makes everything better. I walk inside her warm heated house. The house smells like a nice and clean home where a happy family lives. She hugs me. She’s warm and smells like vanilla. I tell her everything that has happened. She hands me her phone and I call my Aunt V.

When she answers she doesn’t suspect anything is wrong at first. I tell her what happened to me. Mrs. D. has to go to church. I ask my aunt to pick me up at the Church. Mrs. D. and I get in her green van. While I’m in the van I wonder why did this happen to me? What did I do wrong to deserve this? And the biggest question of all is how can my own Mother not even care? Or try to make my step dad stop hitting me?
The heat feels good on my face and hands. The seat is so soft that I could fall asleep right there. Were at the church now and I get out of the van. The fresh snow is cold on my feet. We get inside of the church and everyone gathers around me and starts to pray for me. For once in a long time, I feel safe in these strangers’ arms. I feel their hot breaths on my head.

I look out of the fogged window, waiting for my aunt and uncle to pick me up. Outside looks like a big blanket of wool covering the ground. The coolness of the window feels good against my hot fingertips. My Aunt and Uncle are outside. I leave the warm loving church and leave into the cold night. Right as I shut the door, my Aunt and Uncle start firing questions at me. I’ve missed them a lot and I’m glad I’m safe and here with then right now. When we get to their house, I get out and smell wood burning and see streetlights from other houses around me. As I open the door, the familiar smell of their house fills me and comforts me. My brother is there at my Aunts house. He moved here a few months ago because of my step dad also. He hugs me, his big arms wrap around me and I smell his familiar axe cologne. It’s the first time in months since I’ve seen him.
My stomachs growling, so I get into the freezer and the smell of frozen foods hits my face as well as the coldness. I decide I will have these tortilla things. I grab a smooth clean plate from the cupboard. I put them into the microwave for a few minutes. While they’re in the microwave my Aunt asks me if I want to call the police. My hearts thumping so hard, but I say yes. The smell of my food is in the air. The microwave goes off and then I go get my food. The plates burning under my fingers. I decide to go sit on the beige, leather couch. The taste of the tortilla roles are good and hot.

While I’m cleaning off my plate there’s a knock at the door. My Aunt goes and answers the door. Two policemen walk in the door. Ones very tall and the others short and chunky. They’re asking me questions and I answer them. They decide to examine my eye and other injuries. Their flashlight is bright in my eye. They touch my eye and tell me to move it. The touch of their cold fingertips hurt. They say that the marks aren’t there. But there’s only little marks. I ask them if I have to go home tomorrow. They say yes. It feels like there’s a vine in my throat and my eyes sting.

I’m crying and telling them that I’m not going back to that place. When the door slams and the cold air comes in, that’s when the policemen leave and my Aunt tells me not to worry about it.
I get ready for bed and I brush my teeth with minty toothpaste and a brand new toothbrush, I crawl under the covers and they smell like fresh clean covers. I’m nice and warm and safe. I’m thinking about what’s going to happen tomorrow. I stare at the blackness. I’m hoping and praying that everything is going to be okay. But it’s just the beginning of this nightmare I have been living. It only gets worse.

At that point in time, I thought nothing good was going to come out of this situation. Like everybody says, something must get worse before it gets better. It’s been a few years since all of this has happened to me. Since then I’ve been through a series of events ranging from good, to terrible.
The day after that happened, I did go to school, but didn’t go home. Right after school I had to go to a court hearing. I remember being so nervous on the way there. Then when I walked up the steps of those long stair cases and entered the court house, I saw my mom and step dad. I swear I just froze and couldn’t breathe. I was terrified. I wasn’t allowed to go inside the court room, so my aunt and uncle went in. When they came out, I was nervous and scared that I would have to go back home. When my aunt told me that the judge decided that it would be best I go and live with her, I was so happy and relieved! They would have to get their foster care license in order for me to stay with them.
That’s exactly what my aunt and uncle did, they went to classes, went through home inspections, and whatever else you have to do to get your foster care license.
Back then I wasn’t the best kid. I never really knew right from wrong, and I had the most awful attitude. Whenever someone tried to tell me what to do, I wouldn’t do it. I thought I was my own boss. Little did I know acting the way I was acting didn’t get you anywhere.
My aunt and uncle decided that they couldn’t handle me, and my attitude. The last straw that made them decide that they couldn’t handle the way I was acting, was when my aunt and I got into a huge argument.
I was on the bus coming home from school when my aunt called me. I could barely hear her talking, so I just hung up. Right as I was walking through the door she asked for my phone. I was so confused, and furious at that moment. I have no idea why but I started yelling at her, telling her to just call my worker so I could leave. At that moment I was built up with mixed emotions and said a lot of things I didn’t mean. My aunt did call my worker though.
The next day my worker came to take me to E. Village. I didn’t want to leave my family. In the back of my mind though I was thinking, maybe it would help me with some of the issues I was having.
It was a very rainy day the day I left my aunt and uncles house. I remember pulling into the driveway of E. village. The first thing that I saw was a caged in basketball court. I was terrified just seeing that. My worker and I were walking to enter the doors to the assessment center… but we had to wait for someone to come and un-lock the doors. The guy that unlocked it was so scary looking, and intimidating. We went into this little room to check me in. Once the workers there took my inventory and all of that stuff we went into the main area of the building. I saw different colored kids, different sizes…they all looked so scary and mean. I didn’t want to live with these strangers. They all were wearing these dark blue colored scrubs with crocs, they were ugly. The workers gave me the same outfit to change into. I went into the bathroom to change into those hideous scrubs. I didn’t want to take off my own clothes and change into these things. All I wanted to do was go home.
That day went pretty slow. All I did pretty much was eat dinner then go into my room. The building was divided up into two wings. Both wings were just a hall with doors on either side.
When it was bed time everyone went into their rooms. I was relieved to finally get time alone, and to think about stuff. When I got to my room though and shut the door, the door locked like a magnet behind me. It felt like the room was going to close in. I had no way to get out unless I buzzed in, and one of the staff members unlocked my door. That is if they even wanted to.
My worker originally said that I would be at the assessment center for two short weeks. Instead of two weeks, I was almost there for one year. I was at the assessment center fro about four months then transferred to the houses. I was at a house, which was for the abused and neglected.
During my stay at the village I did learn so much. Even though it took me a long time to find my own path. But I knew that I still had a lot of things to deal with. After about 11 months. I left to go live a foster family in Leroy.

My stay at the there usually wasn’t an easy ride. I always had to baby-sit the little girls. Which I didn’t mind doing most of the time because I loved them to death. I tried to do my best in their home. But they never really seemed satisfied. I wasn’t happy there, I wasn’t myself. A lot of events happened while I was living there. They usually weren’t any happy moments either. They were nice people sometimes and good parents to their kids, but not me.
After two years of living with them I went to live with the family that I’m living with right now. When I first came here I still had a lot of things to learn and to accept. It was hard to accept that no matter what I did wrong they are always going to be here for me. I have my moments still. But it is a lot better than before. I’m a different person than I was just a few years ago. I have the best family ever. I have three wonderful sisters, a brother, and the most amazing parents. I couldn’t ask for a better family. It doesn’t matter if they’re my biological family or not, because I know in my heart that they will always be here for me.
Just the other day my biological Mom called me to tell me some news about my Step Dad. She told me that he has stage one of leukemia. Just a few minutes before I talked to her my other Mom told me the news already. But hearing my Mom say that, and just knowing that it was real, it hurt. Even though he did hurt and caused me to go though so much, I cried. Nobody ever deserves to have any kind of cancer. I can’t hold a grudge against him or hate him forever because of what he did to me. If I did, then I would never be happy with myself. Everything happens for a reason, and my plan I guess was to be where I am and to be surrounded by the people I love so much and care about.