There are times in life when we see it as clearly as it can possibly get.

There is something we all call our platonic love; we see it in movies and books and stories and we all hope to live it one way or another… The thing is that i found mine about 6 years ago and i have been in a out of love with him ever since. You may say that love is a big word but that is what it is LOVE. I have been in various relationships after i met the guy and none of them (even if i hoped they would) meant as much to me as him. I compared it all the time and i felt for none of them how i feel about my platonic love. To top it all up he is and has always been my best friend so that is just torture.

I am a smart girl so i did forget about him or leaned how to live with my feelings towards him, learned how to bury them or hide them but lately he is different with me. I was fine until he changed. It all started our last day of school when we went to a party in a pool and he kept following me and touching me and saying he wasn’t that drunk and that he wouldn’t regret anything. To all of this he has a Girlfriend but to my defence i met him way before he got himself a GF.

After this then a friend of mine tells me that my platonic love said that he loves me as a best friend and he loves his GF as a GF but he doesn’t know who he loves more. My platonic love also told me he was glad that I was single and that we would have a lot of fun in a few months and to wait for it and that he was going to break up with his girlfriend. After this i was not convinced, i knew him enough to know he was drunk that night so i decided to let it slide and to act like nothing had happened. And that would have worked if after that he would have not invited me to his house.

Why did i go? well we had to be somewhere at about six and no one was at my house to take me and he said i could go to his house and wait there. When i got there i went to his room as i always do and sat in his bed as i always also have but this time he told me we were watching a movies so i sat back with the computer on my knees and he laid next to me and the movie started. About fifteen minutes after the movie started i could tell he was going to fall asleep so i laid down in order to not bather him. Then he hugged me as he fell asleep. He put one arm over my ribcage a little higher than the stomach and then something strange happened. I could tell he was awake because he started stroking the side of my body where his fingers laid (a sweet touch) then he took my arm and signaled me to stroke his wavy hair(something i had done more than once before) and we laid there for most of the movie. After that we had to go so he went and showered and we were in the dinner in no time. This is when i started to worry and wonder and lightly, stupidly, hope.

When we were at the dinner it was easy being with each other effortless we joked here and used sarcasm there. We challenge each other and made fun of each others faults knowing exactly what to say to not hurt each other. It is was natural that it was scary… and dreadful when it ended.

The movie incident had happened about three times now and by now his behavior is so puzzling that i can not stop thinking about it. This had never happened before. Him showing felling towards me, as insignificant as they might be.

We were also talking once on Skype and he told me that even though he had a Gf he could still look at other girls in that way and that everyone has a platonic love and that his Gf was not her. That makes me wonder if it is me… but i am sure it is not.
Sincerely,
-Me