An independent (read: impudent) little girl like me really shouldn’t need this.

I don’t need something or someone to lean on - I’m a rock in and of myself. I can stand up for my own thoughts and beliefs, reach for the stars, take care of anyone who gets in my way.

Why do I crave your presence, the comfort zone you offer me?

I’ve always wanted to be self-reliant - part of the reason I hate it when my parents drive me home from band, the reason I am ridiculously happy I bike home from school.

Why is it that when you offer me a ride home, it’s only the thought of my parents’ potential responses that stop me?

Why is it that I can’t get over the strength you convey, the support you give me, in a single, simple hug?

It’s not like I have no friends; I do, and you’re one of them. But this - this is ridiculous. There’s a reason I won’t date, a reason my mom thinks that I’m supercilious to my peers.

I’m me, my own, & I - I have every right to be alone. I’m capable of it too. I’ve been raised a feminist, taught that there really isn’t much that I can’t do, if I put my mind to it, that I don’t need a decisive guy for my life to revolve around. I’ve always been wary of those “strong male figures.” I’ll do what I need to get where I want to be - and that’s not as selfish as it sounds. It’s not like where I want to be involves hurting anyone else, or anything. I just want to be successful, and this kind of emotion has absolutely no place in that picture of triumph.

And yet I don’t want to tell my heart to get out of the way.

I don’t want to refrain from your touch, don’t want to refrain from reminding you about piggy back rides. I don’t want to refrain from this friendship, this emotion. I don’t want to hold myself back.

I don’t need this.