Gone Before You Got Here | Teen Ink

Gone Before You Got Here

September 10, 2009
By aspiring.author.09 PLATINUM, Beaumont, Other
aspiring.author.09 PLATINUM, Beaumont, Other
34 articles 0 photos 70 comments

I can't even find one word.

My head spins and crashes, thoughts colliding and exploding all at once and I think I'm going crazy.

Your words! Oh! You might as well throw a bowling ball at my stomach, it's a punch in the gut that sends signals firing up wires into my heart. Pinching, like a thin layer of flesh snagging the rings of your binder.

You've done so much wrong, and I still can't shake you. You must never know this.

It's an invisible power that warps my mind. I try focusing on reading the pages of French, try reflecting shapes on graph paper, try thinking of anything but you. And you're still there, whispering in my ear, fingers tracing the lines in my palm, you breath hot like the summer sun on my cheek. Summer was OUR season.

You broke my heart.

I never thought I'd understand the meaning of those words. The snapping feeling is undoubtably there. The splitting sound of muscle being torn, straight down the centre.

You know, just because I told you no didn't mean I never liked you. It didn't mean that I wouldn't get hurt if you left, like you did. It didn't mean that I wouldn't be shattered with jealousy, seeing your fingers interlocking hers, a perfect puzzle. They used to be my fingers and yours. We were the perfect puzzle.

They used to be. But no, heaven forbid you dwell on the past. I read it all wrong. You were gone before you even got here. Your little games, they aren't fun. They're torturous, like tier one soccer practice after a five kilometre run.

This pain is something I hope never to feel again.

So why, why, WHY? I ask myself...

Do I keep coming back?

The author's comments:
Comments and constructive criticism greatly appreciated!

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This article has 4 comments.

on Sep. 28 2009 at 6:18 pm
aspiring.author.09 PLATINUM, Beaumont, Other
34 articles 0 photos 70 comments
Wow thank you for this incredible feedback! I am definitely considering it for the novel I am writing at the moment, thank you so much for your comments, they were great!

brianj said...
on Sep. 28 2009 at 2:57 pm
I really think you've got something here! Your descriptive writing makes me feel as if I'm the one who's heart has been torn, as if I've been standing next to the mentioned heartbreaker all along and haven't even known it. The topic you chose is something TeenInk readers can relate to, and that makes your article even more appealing. One thing I was impressed with was how you described the relationship as a "perfect puzzle". It's a comparison that is as true as it's creative. Also, your last sentence, "So why, why, WHY? I ask myself...Do I keep coming back." is one that leaves a lasting impression on readers. In my opinion, sometimes the ending of a piece is the most important because it's the most memorable. Fantastic job on this piece! I'd definately hang on to it. You might even want to add it to a larger work in the future!

on Sep. 21 2009 at 10:33 pm
aspiring.author.09 PLATINUM, Beaumont, Other
34 articles 0 photos 70 comments
Thank you, Electricity!!! I am so glad you like this, it's sort of a follow-up on my other piece, "Peach Kisses," as requested by another user. Once again, thanks! I really appreciate it! :)

on Sep. 21 2009 at 9:22 pm
Electricity PLATINUM, Bradenton, Florida
30 articles 0 photos 271 comments
Oh my gosh, this is amazing!!!! I love your style of writing. It's descriptive and captivating! I love it! Great job, I really felt a rainbow of feeling!