Sleepless Nights and Tired Days | Teen Ink

Sleepless Nights and Tired Days

October 16, 2023
By Anonymous

Walking through the white and gray walls of the school they think about all the things that they have to do after school for the rest of the week. After school practice, parade, more practice, game, meeting freshmen, chores, band, the list goes on. The weight of their eyes gets heavier as they go through the mental checklist. As so many things pile up, it keeps them further and further from the nap they had longed for. The long plain hall that was once filled with people now seems empty, and the once quiet noises of my steps get louder. The thought that they might be late for their next class crosses their mind but it can't help but be overshadowed by the grogginess they feel. Shaking their heads and taking a breath they regain their composure reminding themself ‘I only have a few more hours till I can reunite with my bed’. As time speeds up again they continue on their way to class with the idea of the nap in mind as a boost. Even though they understand that when they get home they may not accomplish the 45-minute nap of their irregular dreams.

Being home is the best feeling to have after a long day, laying in a familiar room with all of your things is comforting. The idea of comforting things putting you to sleep, because you feel safe, may be far-fetched. Dark and droopy eye bags that pull on the face, covered poorly with concealer, round, square face with a jawline on the good days, and never dressed impressively. Droopy eyes and a bleh-like face with messy hair and things in their many pockets. This is the person that sits on their warm bed reading even as their eyes burn for sleep. Wishing for rest causes them to put their book down to close their eyes, only to be filled with disappointment as sleep evades them once again. As time keeps ticking by the once mellow mood now sour as their eyes open again even heavier than before. A defeated sigh escapes their lips as they pick up the book again and continue where they left off.

Lying motionless and uncomfortable in the warm bed, their eyes are closed yet their mind remains awake. The heavy pull of eyelids that darken as the days go on heavy missiles and delayed reactions become the norm. As their brain buzzes in the dark of their room they try to hit the switch in their brain in hopes of making it as quiet as their room. The what ifs, the far gone past, "Hey, remember that one time 7 years ago when you..." all pass through their mind one by one. Soon the day will start, their clock is already in the AMs, yet, they're still awake. Counting sheep, 100, 200, 300, it gets higher and higher yet doesn't stop, why does that farmer have so many sheep? Questions spiral and soon they find themself as deep in Wonderland as Alice after going down the rabbit hole that they wish they had a ladder to get out of. Eyes getting heavier than before they fall into a light sleep yet it feels like they're still awake, the loud beeping of their alarm clock wakes them from this half-awake half-asleep state their in. Getting out of bed with the same grogginess they’ve come to know, they start their day waiting for the cycle to restart.

The warm blankets, the hard but cushiony surface of the bed that is covered by a smooth sheet hold them. The room is new and dark, with walls covered in different things, but can barely be seen. The dark consumes the room as the eyes from the art stairs down at the bed or lock eyes with the closet. The light glow of red that radiates off of the alarm clock being the only light other than the moonlight coming through the crack in the blinds to the window. The dark room may make it harder to see but not any harder to stay awake. The once tired eyes they once held were now open and awake, aware and ready. Time goes by and it gets closer and closer to morning. ‘I have a test tomorrow’ is the main thought that crosses their mind as they finally get comfortable. Once open eyes now closed yet again they attempt to go to dreamland for the two hours before morning they have left.

Eyes now closed and sleep in sight they realize that over all these years all that has ever been done to help their sleepless-ness was complain. Getting upset over something that feels like it has no cure or like you've tried everything to stop it doesn't change what has been laid out. In the end, all one can do is go with the flow. Sleep is a thing everyone needs to survive for reasons unknown, a simple, yet difficult, thing to achieve. Being tired all the time is not fun, but it's not forever, eventually, sleep will come. Closed eyes once forced shut now shut on their own as sleep overtakes them.


The author's comments:

I have a mild form of insomnia so this is my way of expressing how it feels and how I deal with it. 


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