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First Love
His arms. The safety they brought me… It’s never been something that I’ve been able to explain, not in real words, at least. His arm wrapped around me like the swaddle of a warm blanket around a cold child as we watched the movie, but not a memory of the movie resides in my brain. All I remember is the final sigh of being able to let that wall down. My guard falling like a soldier’s armor after a long fought war. His cologne sent me to the clouds, drifting into a peaceful state, not sleep, but a dormant state. No one will hurt me. I was finally safe, after fearing what comes next for so long. The low vibrations of his voice slowed my racing heart beat, easing my anxiety and my fears. I had no worries, like it was all going to be okay.
The drum finally slows and I feel like I can breathe again. The pressure has been released from my lungs and I feel safe again. As my head moves at the pace of his breaths I lie my head on his chest. I rotate my head to look up at him. His eyes like looking into a bright forest. I smile at him, just to reassure him that I was happy and content with life in that moment. With that smile, I shut my eyes - my head still rotated towards him. I drifted into a light sleep, feeling each of his movements, but not feeling the need to move or wake up for him. Half an hour has passed like it was nothing. My eyes slightly open and I meet his bright eyes. His smile seems to brighten the room that I am in. I feel the warmth and that happiness that radiates from him. I smile back, in no way able to compare to the beauty of his. This man has become my security blanket in the matter of such little time and I never want to release the blanket. It’s like a baby leaving it’s binky behind. Lost and confused on how to function without it. Like an astronaut traveling to another galaxy with no guide or goal. I shouldn't be this attached this quickly, but I've never felt safe with another person in my life.
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