My earliest years of life had long remained a mystery to me. All I knew from the bits and pieces of conversation with my parents was that my parents were completing their respective master’s program while also taking on full-time jobs in New York, so they had little time to take care of me. My grandparents volunteered to care for me at their home in Indiana, so I spent much a large portion of my early childhood with them. I did not have many of my own memories about that time period, but my grandparents were able to recount every detail. I never thought of asking them about it until I was ten.
 
It had been a normal summer night, when my grandparents and I were taking our daily stroll to the elementary school where I would meet up with my friends on the playground and my grandparents would watch us play. I held on tightly to my grandma’s soft and wrinkled hand as we walked through our small neighborhood. The buzz of cars sounded far off while everywhere around us, the sounds of crickets chirping and cicadas humming could be heard. Sweat dripped down our skins even at the slow pace we were going, and my grandparents were out of breath. As there were no benches in sight, the three of us sat down on the curb.
When my grandparents’ breathing slowed, I piped up.
“婆婆公公[1], what was I like when I was a baby?” I asked while squirming in my “seat.” I surprised myself, because this was the first time I had thought of finding out more about my infantile and toddler age. I expected to hear a short, brief answer but my grandma launched into a story.
“孙子[2], there is so much I have been waiting to tell you,” my grandma’s eyes twinkled as she smiled. “I have so many fond memories of your formative years. Well, I guess I can start off by saying you were a very cute baby. Many times, when 公公[3] and I wheeled you around our community during the evenings, people stopped their car to take a look at you.”
I was taken aback. My grandma always told me the truth, but even this statement seemed a little far-fetched. I had never seen people stopping their cars on the road to look at a baby and state how cute they were. “That did not happen, did it?” I questioned.
All my grandma did was smile as she clasped my hand tighter. I assumed that such incidents occurred because the community my grandparents lived in was very tight-knit and my grandparents knew everyone. That topic was soon laid to rest as my grandpa also wanted to share a little of his own memories.
“陈昊[4],” he started, disrupting my thoughts and turning my attention towards him. “It’s true, our neighbors loved you. You were the only baby in the neighborhood and your cuteness was an added bonus,” my grandpa winked.
So that was why they all loved me. They had no one else to devote their attention to. But I listened as my grandpa continued on.
“One time, we took you to a party at our neighbor Rick’s house. Rick was a good friend of ours and we hung out a lot. Rick was also really good at playing the piano. At that party, Rick played the piano for everyone and you were especially delighted. You kicked and cried quite a bit until we put you on the bench next to Rick and the piano. Everyone thought you were adorable!” my grandpa reminisced.
I smiled. As my grandpa closed off his story, we got up and continued on our way to the elementary school playground. Everything was the way it was before, with the sound of crickets chirping and cicadas humming drifting through the air. When we got to the playground, I ran off to play with my friends as my grandparents sat on a nearby bench to watch me play. I quickly forgot about the story, but I can faintly recall that my grandparents were smiling while watching me and chatting more than normal.
I never thought of digging deeper to learn more about the story. All the rest I know about my early childhood with them is from the bits and pieces I caught on over the years in random conversations with my parents and grandparents.
My grandparents only shared happy stories of my first few years with them and painted me in a positive light. My parents later told me about my sleeping problems. When I was a toddler, I often woke up in the middle of the night kicking and screaming, and I was never able to fall asleep in a crib. In order to get me to sleep, my grandparents tried letting me sleep with them on their bed, but I ended up rolling around so much that it was hard for my grandparents to fall asleep. As a result, my grandparents split the bed into the top mattress and the bottom supporting board, allowing me to sleep on the mattress while the two of them slept on the hard board. They wanted me to feel comfortable but also remain safe if I rolled off the bed, so they sacrificed their own comfort to me. Whenever I tried to bring up this sort of topic, my grandparents would brush it off as something they were meant to do and tell me how much they love me.
 
For my last two years of elementary school, my grandparents stayed with my family for extended periods of time to help my parents take care of me. It was during this time period that I would go on evening walks with them every single day and learn about some childhood stories. Since my parents still worked long hours, leaving before I woke up and coming home after I fell asleep, my grandparents took on the difficult task of caring for me. At almost seventy years of age, they made sure I was prepared in the morning, drove me to and from school, and put me to bed every night.
On a particular spring morning, my grandparents drove me to school like they always did. On the drive to school, we always passed through a community where the tall trees that lined the edges of properties stretched over the road and blocked most of the sunlight from reaching the ground. The drive to school was normally very dark and gloomy, especially on days in which the sky was overcast. However, on this day the rays of sunshine seeped through the dense overbrush and reached the road we drove on. The mood was light; we all had a good feeling about the rest of the day.
As what normally happened, my grandma taught me how to recite the Three Character Classic while my grandpa drove the car to school. Three Character Classic is a popular poem that embodied Confucian’s teachings. Starting from the Song dynasty, it was to educate children on basic morals and ethics. What made this poem special was that every line had three Chinese characters and each line of the 2000 characters is only seen once or twice.
“孩子[5], do you still remember the first part of the poem?” my grandma asked, beckoning me to start reciting the poem.
I started from the beginning of the poem. “人之初, 性本善 , 性相近, 習相遠[6] ...” I droned on, sometimes pausing in between lines to check with my grandma whether or not I had recited a section correctly. When I saw her smiling at me and giving me a reassuring look, I continued on.
We left the tree-covered roads and the bright sunshine pounded on the car with full force. We were only a couple of blocks away from the school. When I was just about to finish reciting all the sections that I had memorized when my grandma interjected. “孩子, do you know the meanings behind each of the lines?”
I was bewildered. I didn’t even know how to write most of the words in the poem, much less know the meaning. But then I remembered watching a short animated clip that reflected the morals in the beginning of the poem.
“Umm…” I replied, my voice shaky. “I know that the first few lines have to do with… how people are born good but their experiences shape who they are… Basically nature versus nurture!” I beamed, proud of my sudden realization.
“Wow that’s impressive!” my grandma exclaimed, “But I bet that you do not know the meanings behind other parts of the text, so I’ll start explaining.”
I groaned. It was about to get boring.
“So, starting off with the fifth line…”
My grandma got cut off mid-sentence because we heard a soft “bang” and were all jolted to the back of our seats. As traffic stopped all around us, I immediately knew that we had crashed into the car in front of us. I found out later that this occurred because my grandpa was focused on listening to the conversation between me and my grandma, so he momentarily lost focus on the road.
Immediately, my grandpa told my grandma to walk me to school while he stayed behind to deal with the situation. I did not want my grandpa to face the other car and the police alone because English was his second language, but he insisted that it was most important for me to make it to school on time. Finding no end to his consistent urging, I hugged my grandpa and clutched my grandma’s hand as we went on our way.
My grandparents valued my education and went to great measures to make sure that nothing would get in the way of learning. Looking back, it was progressively more difficult as they aged to drive me to school every day, let alone do most of the chores around the house and help me with my homework. Their hard work impressed upon work habits and ethics and morals that I continue to strictly follow.
 
Last year, my grandparents went back to China on vacation to visit old friends and relive old memories. By that point, they had lived and worked in the United States for almost forty years. They came from China in around 1990 with nothing but their knowledge in sciences; by 2019, their whole family was in the United States and they enjoyed retirement benefits as American citizens.
However, after my grandparents stayed in China for an extended period of time, they were unwilling to leave the country that they left behind forty years ago. When they were unable to purchase an apartment in China because they are considered foreigners, they rented out an apartment from one of their close friends.
A couple of months ago, my mom was on the phone for a very long time and was teary afterwards. I was very concerned, so I asked, “妈妈[7], what’s going on?”
“婆婆公公, they are deciding to remain in China.” My mom choked on her words. “They told me that they will be coming back one last time before they never come back.”
I was shocked; my mouth gaped. Why would they want to stay in a country that was now foreign to them, especially since everything they know of is in the United States? What makes them so willing to leave their family behind?
My grandparents came back to the United States in December. When I met them at the airport, I rushed to them and hugged them. We took them to our house, and everything was well.
But it wasn’t. I could not stop thinking about how to convince them to stay in the United States. Every time I talked to them or talked about them with my parents, my mind always lingered on that topic. Sooner or later, the elephant in the room had to be addressed.
Two weeks after my grandparents returned, I could no longer remain silent. I approached my grandparents about this topic.
“婆婆公公, why do you want to leave us behind and live in an unfamiliar environment, where you do not know anyone?” I asked.
“陈昊,” my grandpa sighed. “We were born in China and we lived in China for the first half of our lives. Even though we are American citizens, we are outsiders, we are foreigners. In China, we are able to interact with everyone because we know the language and culture.”
I knew my grandpa was right, but I kept on pushing. “But you are leaving us behind. You are leaving me behind. If you are willing to interact with strangers more than you are willing to live with us, doesn’t that mean you don’t care about us.”
“陈昊, you know that 公公 and I care a lot about you,” My grandma responded. “But, we want to live the rest of our life in a place where we are familiar with everything.”
After a couple of back-and-forths, I recognized that this conversation was going nowhere and I abandoned the topic. I do understand why the want to return to China, but I also wish that they understood how much I loved them and hated to see them go.
 
Three months later, coronavirus broke out in China and is now one of the most talked about issues. I know it’s a little selfish of me, but I am relieved that there is something that prevents my grandparents from returning to China.
 
My relationship with my grandparents spans almost sixteen years, starting from the time I was born to this day. They have been such an integral part of my life, teaching me ethics and morals as well as taking care of me. I realize that the outbreak is only a delay for their return to China. When the issue gets solved, my grandparents will very likely return to China and never come back. It will be hard not seeing their faces every weekend, talking to them in person every weekend, and going on walks with them. I cannot imagine being halfway across the globe, divided by an ocean from my grandparents.
But I’ll remember their touch and voice, I’ll remember all the experiences we’ve had together. I’ll remember growing up with them. No matter where they are, I will remember.

[1] 婆婆公公 (pópo gōnggōng): grandma and grandpa
[2] 孙子 (sūnzi): grandson
[3] 公公 (gōnggōng): grandpa
[4] 陈昊 (chén hào): my Chinese name
[5] 孩子(háizi): child
[6] 人之初 (rén zhī chū), 性本善 (xìng běn shàn). 性相近 (xìng xiāng jìn), 習相遠 (xí xiāng yuǎn): People at birth, Are naturally good (kind-hearted). Their natures are similar, (But) their habits make them different (from each other).
[7] 妈妈 (māmā): mom