10:47 Oct. 9th
I’m sick of sitting in this class room. I’m sick of listening to all these kids go up and talk about their hero’s. I’m sick of hearing all the exact same names and words over and over. “Cathy Grace, a hero, my mother.” Cliché. I mean, in all honesty I’m happy for you, I’m glad your mother is there for you and all of the above but I’m sick of hearing it. Give me a super-hero, half man half lion. That’s what I want to see. Then maybe, just maybe, will I be impressed.

“Vanessa,” calls out my teacher.

“I don’t have my assignment done,” I called back.

“And why is that?”

“Simple as… I didn’t do it?” He grimaced. He moved on to the next kid in the line-up. I folded my arms on my desk, and rested my head down. Burying my face down deeper and deeper until my nose hit the wooden concoction. I let my eyes close, and I picked up on that last trail of thought. Where was it that I left off again? Oh yes, boring presentations I remember now.
I wonder if I would have decided to do the assignment what would it have been on. Not my parents. Not my brothers. Not the rest of my family. Not my friends. No legendary figure… no, no, and no! Well, what about myself? I am a hero aren’t I? Or am I not good enough for the kids in this classroom. Yeah, they’d all just laugh. Not worth it. Class is over, I pick up my things but my teacher stops me before I make my way out.
“I’d like to talk with you, what happened to those amazing writings you USED to turn in? I miss reading them.”

“Well I DON’T miss rambling on about something I have to pretend to care about.”

“So what is it you do care about Vanessa?”

“Honestly, I forgot.” I walked out. Leaving him and whatever the words were prepared to come out of his mouth behind me. Hey, that’s one thing that’s important. Walking away, I mean I sure am good at it by now. I only feel guilty sometimes, only when they give me that face as if they were to say ‘what happened to that old you? The one we used to like?’ That’s when I’d like to say, she walked away. For good reason too, for the reason that none of this is worth it, why take s*** from people who don’t even know you? Nonsense is what this place is.

I need somebody to come along; somebody to sweep me off my feet and tell me it’s alright. That even if I were about to fall I shouldn’t have to worry ‘cause they’d be there to catch me no matter what. Wow, cliché must be rubbing off on me, eh?









5:24
More homework that I won’t do, more texts from old friends that I won’t return, and more crap being yelled in from one ear and drifting out the other. “Better get this life together! Better now than never Vanessa!” Yes, no, maybe, so? Routine.

I can’t help but keep thinking about it though, what changed? Why did I change? This can’t be for the better, so what crazy bomb went off in my head that made this behavior all right? If I were that kid I used to be none of this would be happening, but I’m not that kid.