They're the ones shaping her future.

They're the ones opening up opportunities for her.

They're the ones making her fantasies go from mere concepts in her head to reality.

They are the ones she takes for granted all the time because she perceives them as the ones who drag her down. That is what she regards as the truth, it is what she believes, but it is a lie.

They're the ones that she thinks are preventing her from obtaining her non-existent dream.

They're the ones that she sees through her puberty influenced, prejudiced, younger, inexperienced teenage mind.

They appear to drag her down, but actually, bring her up from the lowest of points in life.

Several of them are also the ones that give her thoughts of inspiration to write.

But what she writes brings her up so high, she's blinded by false hope. Either that or it drags her down so low, she has the desire to stop her beating heart.

She writes about the faults in herself that she can see. She also writes to have hope.

She writes that she is herself. She writes that no one can change who she is.

She writes that the ability to smell is a gift. It is the sense that reveals the intangible beauty of elegance, playfulness, and so much more.

She writes that scent is a beauty that this world can't see. She writes that it makes her, an ugly, insecure, lacking girl, feel just slightly better. Things like this, that she writes herself, bring her up from the dark places in life. They, along with the heroes of her daily life that she takes for granted, help her up from those caverns of depression.

But that writing had to be inspired, triggered by someone.

That someone is another hero that heals her heart.  

She has wanted to stop that beating heart before.

But she only wanted to get away from everything around her.

Her heroes were the reason why she stopped herself from committing to that kind of idiotic, painful, and selfish act.

Wanting to stop breathing when her life is one of the best out of nine billion people is one of the most selfish desires she could possibly have.

She would have regretted it too.

Except for a single hero, no one knew.

That makes these thoughts, these very thoughts of depression, even more egotistical.

She had never mentioned to anyone that she was having a hard time. It wasn't even that hard of a time in her life. She just felt more than unhappy and upset for no reason. But she never told anyone.

She just lost her smile along the way.

Even that one person who knew she wanted to stop wouldn't have known the actual reason why.

She's still thankful to many other of her heroes for being the reason why she didn’t waste away the gift to breathe with a beating heart.

But she's even more thankful to that hero for saving her life.

She has too many heroes.

It's comforting, but when she attempts to slow down in this world that doesn't know how, she realizes.

This girl is nothing but trash.

She doesn't deserve these heroes.

It would take a true hero to deal with her.

But they still do.

They manage to love and care for her.

They still manage to raise her up from the lowest places where close to no one can approach.

At the end of the day, they're still there with her, by her side.

When she stops to think, she realizes how at fault she is.

So while she's still capable of thinking properly, she wants to apologize and give thanks.

She's sorry that she's such an undeserving, offensive, selfish, dishonest, dumb, clueless, cruel, person. She apologizes for being a person that is so inhumane, she shouldn't even be considered human.

She's sorry that she makes her heroes suffer day to day. She's sorry that she gives them such a hard time.

She wants to be like the hero side of them all.

She wants their ability to care, be kind and patient, understand, and love.

She says thank you for always being there.

Thank you for always supporting her.

Thank you for loving her.

Thank you for raising her up from those dark depressions of hopelessness.

Thank you for being her heroes.

Thank you for being the reason why she’s still breathing.

Thank you for everything.

It would take a hero to deal with her.

But somehow, her heroes endure through it. The whole time, they love and care for her without a second thought.

They're her parents. Her siblings. Her friends. Her role models. Her teachers. Her family.

That girl is an insecure, lacking, selfish, spoiled, damaged, young, clueless teenage girl who thinks she knows everything. She thinks that only her heroes are in the wrong. She believes her heroes are bringing her down when they're doing the opposite. She assumes the privileges of this life are a given for her. She takes everything and everyone, anything and anyone for granted. She gets frustrated just because she believes she understands but doesn't. She conceals many things and lies about more. She lives a double-faced life.

That girl is me.

If you deal with me, you're a hero.

It would take a real hero to put up with someone like me.

I'm saying this to the people that manage to deal with me.

I'm saying this to my heroes.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

I love you.