Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's prom time onceagain. Ah ... that joyous time of the year when all the boutiques, tuxrental outlets, hairdressers, florists and limo services jerk theirelbows down to their knees in a collective "Yes! We've got 'emnow!"

I don't know about you, but whenever I stroll into a storeto check out their selection of overpriced cut-down-to-god-knows-where,let's-see-how-many-sequins-we-can-fit-onto-this-thing dresses, I canjust hear the nice saleslady muttering in a Wicked Witch of theWest-like cackle, "I'll get you ... and your hard-earned 200buckaroos, too!"

But it's our junior prom, right? We've gottago. Who cares about the $68 ticket? We'll have the time of our lives.We'll all look gorgeous (How else could we look after the hairappointments, manicures, facials, massages and tanning beds?), eatgourmet food (Is this stuff really rice? Rice isn't supposed to bounce,is it?) and boogie the night away to music we hear every night on theradio for free (Did I mention that $68 ticket?). It'll be the one dancewe remember for the rest of our lives! Our lives, d'ya hear? Well, untilthe senior prom rolls around, of course. But we'll think about thatlater.

School just hasn't been the same lately. Normally, I hearpeople discussing their boyfriends, their new pair of ultra-coolleopard-print pants and their"oh-my-god-I-was-so-drunk-last-weekend" stories. But somehow, everysingle conversation among junior girls has turned into something likethis:

Prom Freak #1: Oh my god, did you, like, get your promdress yet?

Prom Freak #2: Oh my god, I like, totally did! And I,like, totally got a great deal on it, too!

PF#1: Are you serious?Like, how much was it?

PF#2: Well, like, before, I'd been totallyglued to the latest Prada fashions straight from Europe, ya know? Butthe other day, I caught this gorgeous Gucci dress in a store window onsale and it was only, like, 900 dollars!

PF#1: Wow! I totallywish I had that kind of luck!

PF#2: Why? What does your dresslook like?

PF#1: Well, it's, like, white, with ...

PF#2:Wait - you're joking, right?

PF#1: No. Ohmigod ... you don't meanthat ...

PF#2: Yes! My dress is white, too! This is so totallynot funny! What if we, like, have the same dress?

PF#l: I ... Idon't know what I'd do! I'd absolutely positively die of mortification!You have got to return your dress this afternoon!

PF#2: I can'tbelieve this is happening! Prom is supposed to be, like, the bestexperience of my life, and here someone has the same color dress as me!(Sobs uncontrollably until she has to be carried out of theclassroom.)

So you tell me: how, exactly, am I supposed to putup with this? And no, earplugs don't work - somehow shrill voices manageto pierce right through them. I tried simply telling my prom-strickenclassmates that I had absolutely no desire to klunk around for fourhours in three-inch heels and a poufy cupcake-like dress, but all I gotwas, "You don't want to go to the prom?!?" Bonk. After sending morethan one girl crashing to the floor in a dead faint, I decided the"I don't wanna go" line just wasn't going to work. So I startedattempting the "I have other plans" method. It worked fairly well,but there was one tiny problem: I didn't have other plans. How much funwas it to come up with a decent prom excuse if it was a lie? This,combined with the similar thinking of the majority of my friends, helpedgive birth to a brand-new concept in the world of teeny-bopperentertainment: the Anti-Prom.

How exactly do you throw anAnti-Prom, you ask? Well, I'm not really sure. If you're looking forreal details, you'll hafta check with Martha Stewart. But our versiongoes a little like this: convince someone's mom to let us have thebasement for the night, add lots and lots of snack food (sour cream andonion chips, here we come), tell all our musical friends to bring theirguitars and get ready for a jam session (the neighbors won't mind alittle Santana at 3 a.m., will they?) and you've got one heck of agiggle-fest.

So, while my classmates are happily enjoying theirfancy-shmancy Lemon-Pepper Rubber with a side of Wilted Greens in abalsamic vinaigrette, I'll be loading up on gummy bears and Hershey'sKisses and perfecting my pillow-fighting technique.