Babbling, babbling like an insane person. I pace the room, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, until I start spinning, round and round. What to say?  What to do? Lost in myself, I pace some more.

Have you ever had a moment when you question yourself, question your being, question everything, and you just want to scream? You want to scream so badly, scream at the top of your lungs because you know that you don’t have the worst of it, but your life feels like it will never be the same. Friends have come and gone, and the world is changing around and you don’t know whether to change or stay the same or do a combination of both. So, you wait at the train station, watching all of your friends board one train to one destination or another. You sit there and wonder, “What happened to staying together forever? What happened to the people we used to be? Where did they go or where are they going? Where do I go? Where do I belong?”

Life is funny, like that. You think you have everything figured out, that the world will be as easy as solving a puzzle with one piece left, but what if someone destroys the puzzle, or takes pieces? What do you then? And as I sit here, lost, confused, you just board another train. How could the world suddenly seem so insane? Who decides that you’re ready for the newest monkey wrench thrown into your already chaotic life? I’m not talking about which dress looks best or which girl will like you. I’m talking about when two of your friends cut themselves, or when one of your friends gives everyone her heart and it get smashed every time, and you sit there and you watch as everything tumbles down and you just let it happen. 

I’m scared! I said it! I’m scared! You sit there in your skin, scared of what other people think of you. We aren’t truly scared of spiders or bears or the dark. We’re scared of thoughts. We’re scared of people, scared of people thinking badly of us or hearing what we don’t want to hear. We are scared of true human emotions.  I listen to you talk, trying to be someone who you’re not or who at least who you’ve pretended to be. With technology at our finger tips, it so much easier to focus on the color of a dress or a flappy bird rather than talk and communicate to people in the real world. And when the day comes, when the world will truly end, maybe, just maybe, we will reflect on what really happened.