It happens to all of us. You’ll be taking pains to decide what to wear to that really important job interview/first date/piano recital/friend’s party that you know your ex is going to be at, when suddenly it hits you – that pink angora cowl-neck sweater that looks so good on you would be perfect, but it’s nowhere to be found! Sure, you could give in and wear something else, but compared with this sweater, everything else you own suddenly makes you look like a sad potato. Besides, are you really going to let the sweater win? You’ll be a regular Finding Fairy if you follow these steps:

First, frantically ransack your bedroom. The sweater is most likely hiding out here, since this is where you store most of your clothes and dream about buying more. Tear through your dresser like a hungry lion attacking its prey; show no mercy. Meticulously peel through the rack in your closet, hanger after hanger after hanger. Leave no shelf un-scoured, no drawer un-drew. Make sure your search is exhaustive and thorough; you will know you’ve done a good job if your room looks like that messy thrift shop downtown that sells apparel by the pound.

Next, flop down dejectedly onto the mountain of clothes on your bed, mourn the loss of your sweater, and curse the universe for not being able to grant you this one thing that you so desperately desire. Crying is advisable. This is known as the grieving period and it is an essential part of the process. It makes you realize how important the sweater is to you and how vital it is that you keep searching until you find it.

Then, after depleting a tissue box or two, cast aside your frustrations and continue your quest. This is where you need to focus in on your target. Instead of simply rummaging through your closet, consider the sweater abstractly. Have you recently lent it to a friend? Is it in the laundry? Did you inadvertently set fire to it during one of your nightly sleepwalking escapades? Really think about it.

Finally, if you have not located the sweater by this point, stop searching. Make some tea, throw on a different cardigan, and try to get over it. Walk out to your car and get on with your day. There comes a point where the only way to find something is to cease looking for it. The sweater should be right in the passenger’s seat where you left it yesterday.