9-I was very much a thinker if you will, I thought of things differently than any others, I was in this elementary school Country Dale, I was there for 6 years K-5, I had a good life there and everything was fine.

I walked to school one day it was normal, I lived very close to my school, I took off my backpack and ran to the playground that I had in my backyard, it had a yellow slide monkey bars, and swing set, and a turtle sand pit, I was so happy, my dad would already be home peaking out from the slide doors to our patio. I would always go on the swings first, the way that the wind felt, I had everything I wanted. 

I was doing well in my classes, I talked a lot and raised my hand to participate, all of the teachers loved me, and life was very easy. I was very excited for 6th grade but sad that I would have been leaving my elementary, it felt like home. During lunch if we finished early we would be able to go outside to play on the playground, I would meet my friends in the lunch room and we would eat together, I was usually the first to finish, I loved lunch. 

When we got outside our favorite game to play was “house” or anything like that, we liked to role-play. I would always either be the sister or the mom, but I liked being both. There was this tree that sat tall and big near the windows we would go over there for broken pencil deaths, we would bury them and have a full-on funeral, and then we would also have concerts where we would stand by the tree while everyone sat and we would talk loud to make it seem like we were important. Life was great for me I had friends, school was easy, and just being around people made me happy, I was always outgoing and polite to everyone.

One day I got off the bus and walked to my house, it was small but that's what it looked like on the outside, on the inside we had a big home for my family, which was just me and my mom and my dad, and that all I needed. I walked into my room seeing my green and white and pink wallpaper with my tall bed, it was a bunk bed with a desk underneath, I would climb up it with a book in my hand and read it, I loved to read, and write, its what got me into my mind. 

Me and my mom would play Barbies together, we would have parties and just dance around, I was around 9 at this point but it was still fun. Sometimes we couldn’t play but instead, I would go outside and play in either the snow or the grass. 

—- “Isla, Dinner!” my mom would yell out from the window, I wouldn’t think twice hopping up from the grass and running inside, I’d take off my shoes and sit at the dinner table. My mom would sit on my left and my dad on my right. 

“So how was school today?” My dad would ask sitting as my mom put squash on my plate. 

—-” It was good I’m just glad I’m home,” I’d joke. 

We talked more as we ate, I smiled and laughed as there were colors everywhere, my life was great. One day on a Saturday near the end of winter and the start of spring I was watching my favorite show it was this pirate movie animated on Netflix, my mom and dad told me to sit down with them on the couch, and they turned off the tv and faced me, 

—We have something to tell you Isla, and I don’t want you to think that this was your fault in any way, because it isn’t.”

I started to get scared, ‘what did I do this time?’ I thought that I got a bad grade in a class, and I was waiting for all of the possible horrid things my mom to say.

—-” Just saying Isla me and your dad love you very much.” She said, I could feel her guilt but what for?

—” Me and your father are… splitting, we are gonna move.” She said it straight up, I was so confused, should I be happy or sad, mad? What did she mean by splitting up?

–” What do you mean?” I asked, I wanted answers. 

—” I mean that Be and your dad are getting a divorce, we don’t love each other anymore, and it's not your fault, we just chose this nothing to do with you.” 

My heart skipped a beat, divorce? She and Dad do not love each other.? Moving? Like moving houses and getting an even bigger one? Or moving states? I’m just a kid I can’t do this on my own what? What am I gonna do? –A thousand thoughts went through my head, the only logical thing I could think of doing was—

—” Nononono, don’t cry Isla it's not your fault..” My mom tried to soothe me but I wouldn’t let her, I stood up and ran into my room jumping on my bed my door already being slammed shut by my hand, I hopped in bed covering up and crying ugly sobs. 

My parents got up from the couch running to my door knocking quietly, my dad told my mom to give me time to think about it, but I stopped listening from there, I didn’t care what they thought, and the thought of entering my school killed me. My life couldn’t get any worse.

I stopped being as bright as I was, and I became quieter and more anxious, I looked outside at that big sign out front of our lawn “For Sale” I wanted to go outside and burn it in a fire. A couple of weeks went by and I started to notice how dead everything looked, and how unhappy my parents were, my dad slept in the main room, and my mom chose to sleep in the spare, I used to get up when I had nightmares and run to my parent's room, but now I would just sleep through it. 

I hated having ‘divorced’ parents, it wasn’t fair. How all of my friends could have parents that love each other but of course theirs me. It only took a couple of months to get an apartment for my mom and my dad, my mom moved to Milwaukee near the big buildings, and my dad stayed in the same area so I could still attend Franklin schools. 

I hated it. The way that I had to bring everything with me was such a waste of time, I had to bring things to my mom's and then remember to bring them back to my dad's, and if I forgot something then I would have to suffer without it. I didn’t hate my living situation, it was cozy but boring, I used to have that great big playground right outside my house but now, it was just dark and stupid. I felt more bored, and more anxiety ran threw me. 

One day near Christmas at my new apartment with my mom she brought me an elf on the shelf, this was a new one, not like the old one at my house, this one was stupid and I hated it. 

—-” I don’t like this elf mom.” She would laugh and make jokes about how she would throw it out the window if I hated it. But I didn’t wanna be rude so I let her keep it, I cried that night, too many memories rushed in and out of me. I missed my dad. 

Another day after Christmas and at my dads I had dinner with him he sat on the couch and I sat at the table.. alone, I felt like crying, I didn’t wanna eat my food, after dinner I walked into my room shutting the door, I hated being alone. I missed my mom.

Things just got harder though, covid. We had to wear masks and school got harder when I got introduced to middle school, I missed being at my house in elementary, it felt like a bomb hit me, and wanted my happiness so it could be happy and I couldn’t. 

When I got into 6th grade  I made a new friend who told me that what I wore was embarrassing, it was pretty pink pants with a lighter pink shirt, I just wanted to wear it. So instead I made my mom and my dad buy me “normal clothes” It was black pants with darker colors for everything. I just wanted to fit in. 

A year later, things only got harder, people called me emo and depressed just because I wore black. It made me feel bad about myself but I didn’t care, I just wanted to go home, middle school sucked. 

Shortly after everything my parents got me and my therapist, I wasn’t acting like a 10-11-year-old would. So I got help, talked through my problems and that was it. 

My mom was trying to find a new place for us, and my dad still lived in the first place but he was searching and he did find new and better condos instead of an apartment. I was just stuck in the middle, I got used to a house for 9 years then they hit me with a divorce and moved. Then they brought me to a place that they bought and then when I finally got used to this they hit me with moving again.

Then, something happened with my mom, there was this guy who lived in these tall buildings, my mom would wave at him and she would tell me to as well but I didn’t like it, I didn’t know who this guy was. Turns out they liked each other and moved in together bringing me along, I didn’t mind until I felt as if he tried to take my dad's spot. I missed the old days I didn’t want this man who I had never met to become my new role as a father. No. 

Which made me start liking my dad more he was more of an introvert and had more time, I loved my mom but things got more crowded and I was left alone a lot. My dad though had all the time in the world, until he met this girl, now she didn’t move in she just took a role as his girlfriend, she was sweet and nice and she still is. 

It was just something I wasn’t used to, things just got worse, new school, moving, trouble sleeping. What can be worse than this?

I started to get veins under my eyes and I hated it, it made me look ugly, people were asking if it was contagious and I just blew them off, I kept trying to make them better with makeup but nothing worked, then my parents didn’t seem to notice or care. I searched it up one night to find out that I had to get laser treatment. Did that mean surgery? 

‘No. I don't wanna get surgery just to please people.’ I thought, but if I wanted to be pretty or have friends then I was going to need to get this done. I kept searching that night trying to find an easier way, I just wished that my parents would have just sucked it up and stayed together then maybe I wouldn't have stayed up all night and make me look bad and ruined my face, and worried about what happens next, but. That's not how life works. 

The minutes waiting turned to hours then to days then to weeks then to years and nothing changed. I still looked like me. 

As the days went on things started to change, I got used to the house and we weren’t moving till I was out of high school I wouldn’t be living with my parents anymore so I would be in charge of where im going to live, which I thought was nice. 

It was now December of 2021 when I got the news, my mom's boyfriend took me out to eat and it was fine, we got packed up and before I stood to leave he sat me back down and looked at me, then took a breathe then opened his mouth to speak. 

—-” Your mom and I, we’ve been thinking and were only gonna do this with your permission..” At first, I thought that they were gonna get pregnant or adopt. 

—” We want to get married but only do it with your permission.” This took me off track for a second. Marriage? My mom hasn't gotten married to anyone since 2005, but I was fully on board, I have learned to like this guy he seemed nice and trustworthy. 

In December they got married and I was watching right behind her I have learned to accept the way that life worked for me because I get double everything double Christmases double Easters, and double Thanksgiving….-