It doesn’t feel right to let them leave. All of the months that I waited that led up to this moment, it doesn’t feel real nor right to let them go. I know Victor may not be the best influence on me, but in some ways I aspire to grow up like him. Maybe not the addiction part I'm after,  but the wise, knowledgeable part. The humorous, opinionated and passionate parts that exude. He possesses a wealth of information, yet some things he does are questionable. 

Hanging out with friends is one thing, but this. This is something else that's difficult to explain. His jokes that I can't say aloud, and him helping us disobey my mother. The midnight drives he, my sister, and I would go on, blasting Russian music at full volume, and speeding on the highway, all for some warm savory fries and nuggets from McDonald’s. The day we devoured sushi to soothe the aftermath of a wild party the night before, and just drank the eel sauce because it tasted so good and to relieve the pain. When we had to go buy a cake at seven in the morning, chugging cans of monster energy to keep us awake for a class at 8:00. I feel at my fullest with him, but it’s not like I feel miserable without his company, I just want to relive the experiences. 

The time we spend together is so short but feels even shorter. It feels empty when they leave. Sometimes the silence so loud the house takes on an eerie stillness, you could hear the fall of a pin drop instead of Victor watching breaking bad in his room. You feel awake instead of tired at 7:00 a.m when he wakes you up because my dads guitar playing had awoken him. It’s just not the same when he leaves. Even though we have a ten-year age gap, there's so much we have in common. The similarities and likes that we share, and the out of pocket statements that we can both make without feeling judged afterwards. It feels like a privilege to have him around.