Depression and Suicide and How can we Help?

“Just because no one else can heal or do your inner work for you doesn’t mean you can, should, or need to do it alone.”-writer and therapist, Lisa Olivera

                                                                          …         

After having a fight with their mom, the teenager walks outside to the back of their house to their father’s shed. There they grab a sharp gear before walking back to their kitchen. Upon opening the door and walking in, they think back on their recent fight while silently looking at the gear in their hand for the next 20 minutes. “It wasn’t really me telling me to kill myself. It was more like voices inside of my head.”

This was the response of the anonymous teenager who dealt with past experiences of suicidal thoughts. And this is one of their most vivid experiences.

Depression and Suicide Connect?

“You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.”-author, Dan Millman

Depression takes a toll on people in the worst ways. It's often said that depression results from a chemical imbalance but that figure of speech doesn't capture how complex it is. There are many reasons people have depression. This includes faulty mood regulation by the brain, genetics, vulnerability, family history, health issues, or certain substances. And certantly with that there are many affects that follow that go as far as suicide. However, contrary to popular belief,  that doesn’t mean that people who are suicidal automatically have depression. Still, that also doesn’t mean that there isn’t a link between the two.

Although the majority of people who have depression do not die by suicide, having major depression does increase the risk of suicide compared to what it would be for people without depression. Moreover, the risk of death by suicide may, in part, be related to the severity of depression a person has. Especially since depression carries a high risk of suicide. It’s the worst but very real outcome of untreated or under-treated depression and anybody who expresses suicidal thoughts or intentions should be taken very, very seriously.

Yet even if there is a sort of link between the two, it doesn’t mean that everyone who has suicidal thoughts has to have depression. Even if that’s something a lot of people truly believe. Another way of thinking about suicide risk and depression is to examine the lives of people who have died by suicide and see what percentage of them were depressed. From that perspective, it is estimated that about 60 percent of people who commit suicide have had a mood disorder such as major depression, bipolar disorder, or dysthymia. Younger people who kill themselves also often have a substance abuse disorder in addition to being depressed. Although the importance of this may seem questionable, it shows that there are many factors that go into a person being suicidal other than it being a result of depression. And considering how it is an estimated 60 instead of 100 percent of those who commited suicide that have had a mood disorder, we know depression isn’t something every suicidal person has/had.

How to tell if someone has Depression or is Suicidal

“‘Positive vibes only’ isn’t a thing. Humans have a wide range of emotions and that’s ok.”-Licenced Mental Health Counselor(LMHC), Molly Bahr

There are many factors of things that may happen in someone’s life that lead to them being depressed or suicidal. And although sometimes the things that happen in someone’s life may be out of your control, there are signs you can look out for to be able to tell if someone is in a bad mental state.

The National Institute of Mental Health affirms warning signs that someone may be at immediate risk for attempting suicide include:

Talking about wanting to die or wanting to kill themselves
Talking about feeling empty or hopeless and having no reason to live
Talking about feeling trapped or feeling that there is no solution
Feeling unbearable emotional or physical pain
Talking about being a burden to others
Withdrawing from people around them
Giving away important possessions
Saying goodbye to friends and family
Taking great risks that could lead to death, such as driving extremely fast
Talking or thinking about death often
Other more at risk warning signs include extreme mood swings and making plans and/or looking for ways to kill themself. This includes searching for lethal methods online, purchasing a gun, or stockpiling pills. Similarly, talking about feeling great guilt or shame, using alcohol or drugs more often, acting anxious or agitated, and changing eating and/or sleeping habits are all also more at risk, bigger warning signs to look for.

Moving on, major depressive disorder is one of the most common mental health disorders affecting people in the United States. For some people, the disorder can interfere with their everyday lives and impact their abilities to carry out basic activities. According to Bakersfield Behavioral Healthcare hospital, some signs that can help you tell if someone has major depressive disorder are the following:

Unexplained pain
Inability to Concentrate
Too much or too little sleep
Changes in appetite
Moodiness and irritability

Next Steps

“What people never understand is that depression isn’t about the outside; it’s about the inside.”-author, Jasmine Warga

If you know someone who is depressed, suicidal, or on the verge of getting there, there are quite a few things you can do to help. The National Institute of Mental Health asserts that If someone you know has depression, help them see a health care provider or mental health professional. If you’re close to them you can also:

Offer support, understanding, patience, and encouragement
Invite them out for walks, outings, and other activities
Help them stick to their treatment plan, such as setting reminders to take prescribed medications.
Make sure they have transportation to therapy appointments. 
Remind them that, with time and treatment, the depression will lift

Medications and psychotherapy are claimed to be effective for most people with depression. A primary care doctor or psychiatrist can prescribe medications to relieve symptoms. However, many people with depression also benefit from seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist, or other mental health professional. Unlike with the equally concerning problem of suicidal thoughts and issues among kids; where it’s most suggested to seek help through a suicidal prevention hotline. Or notify others around you such as the parents. 

But in addition to suicide and depression prevention; it’s important to understand that not everyone who has depression or is suicidal is going to want help. Furthermore, it’s foremost to recognize if you find yourself in a sort of situation with your offers of advice and support being rejected. Although you may find yourself feeling like you’re powerless to do anything, you can still be there for your friend. You might just need to take a different approach to the way you’re supporting them.

For instance, try to be available and offer help if needed. Listen to your friend when they need to talk and try to be available because it’s crucial to be supportive and let them know that you care. It’s important to do those things because it’s not uncommon for people with depression or mental issues in general to feel lonely. In fact, contrary to others' beliefs it’s not uncommon for people who don’t even have mental illnesses to suffer from loneliness. A survey taken in 2018 by Cigna shows just that. In that survey, 20,000 people were surveyed and nearly half of the respondents(46%) reported that they sometimes or always felt lonely. This shows just how common loneliness is, so it wouldn’t be surprising if someone with depression were to be dealing with the same thing. Equally important are the reasons why someone who’s depressed or suicidal may be dealing with loneliness. They could suffer from it because of past experiences/betrayals and because of this might have built walls around themself. This causes people to get the mindset that people befriend them out of pity so it’s important to let them know you are there for them because you care and are worried for them; not because of pity. However, this doesn’t mean you should put their needs over your own. You don’t want to end up hurting yourself mentally or physically while trying to help others. You’re not going to be able to be there for someone at every moment of every day so it’s important to find that balance.

That being said it's also equally important to not force the issue or put pressure on them. Trying to pressure or force a friend to get help may come from a good place, but it can actually have the opposite effect to what you intend and could turn your friend off from seeking help altogether. If things are really getting to someone you care about, understand that making a decision to seek help can be a tough thing for them to do. Coming around to the realization that they're going through a rough patch can be scary and difficult, so it's understandable that they may take some time before deciding to seek help.

What if it’s Really Serious?

Returning to an earlier brought up point, if you find yourself stuck in the position where someone you know is in a really serious situation, it’s important to help them get the help they need. While, in most circumstances, it’s a good idea to give someone time to come around to the idea of help, if you think someone is in danger or at risk at the hands of what’s going on it’s important you seek help immediately. Although some people may not appreciate it, it’s what would be best for them in the long run. 

“I went to a psych ward back in April of 2021 and it didn’t help me at the time but now that I got time to process that part of me, it's starting to help.” This teenager may only be one of many who had to deal with depression or suicide, but they're also one of the many who were able to come to terms with themself and overcome the problem they faced once they got the help they needed. Dealing with having a mental illness is not something you or anyone should have to go through alone. The battles one has with one self can’t always be won alone and there are sadly many people who had depression or suicidal tendancies who ultimately got the worst results from them because alone is how they fought it. It’s like Lisa Olivera said.

“Just because no one else can heal or do your inner work for you doesn’t mean you can, should, or need to do it alone.”

Suicide hotline number for those who need someone to talk to:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255