Wednesday, May 11, 2016. It’s the middle of the week. The beginning is past, and the end seems miles beyond the horizon. I am caught in the middle. Middle of a commodious ocean, where I cannot glimpse the slightest sliver of land in either direction. Yes, seeing the horizon is serene and calming, but after staring at the same old ocean too long, I begin to crave inspiration. I look for the wind that will push me towards the horizon, a.k.a. Friday.

Of course, one of my favorite books of all time, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey supplies a bountiful supply of this desire. On Wednesday, I continued reading the fourth chapter of the book, which is titled Think Win-Win. This chapter primarily considers building friendships and how different levels of success/failure can affect those relationships. I was completely surprised at the reality of Covey’s statements! I frequently experienced unhealthy attitudes especially when it came to comparing with other people. This is what I learned.

There are four types of people in the world. The first is the Win-Lose attitude and it seems to be the top scorer of the four attitudes throughout a mediocre community. Here are common “symptoms” of the Win-Lose approach:

What someone does…
Win-Lose attitude
Your friend wins first prize in the writing contest
Feels ashamed of self; feels the need to avenge own reputation; feels the need to prove that one is better
You ask your dad to borrow the car, but he says no
You argue with your dad until he is forced to give in; you won’t let go of the situation and use it against dad in another conversation at dinner

The second type perspective is Lose-Win. If you’re suffering from Lose-Win, you’re most likely a doormat and people are stepping on you. The disadvantages of Lose-Win is that others will often exploit your uncertain character. They will step on you, and they will wipe their feet.

What someone does…
Lose-Win attitude
Someone tells you that you look bad in those jeans
You give in because you have low self-esteem and trust that others won’t lie to you
Someone encourages you to play the final spelling bee round because you’re good at spelling
You give in and say that someone else should do it because you’re not good at spelling

As you can probably tell, both of these approaches to relationship construction are unhealthy and result in one person losing or winning. However, as Sean Covey puts it, when two Win-Lose people encounter each other, the worst of all possible acquaintances occurs: Lose-Lose. In this scenario, both people feel a loss, the situation is not resolved, the friendship will be fractured, and the world does not progress any farther. However, sometimes there are also people who purposely act accordingly the Lose-Lose attitude. In general, a Lose-Lose approach defines itself as daunting others from success when you have been let down.

What someone does…
Lose–Lose attitude
You do not get the lead role in the school play
You notice that your best friend is really good at acting, and think that they will receive the lead role, so you work to prevent that from happening.
You do not score as high as your friend on a math test
You tell them that you could’ve scored as high as they did, and that they’re grade is really not all that great.

The fourth approach to life is Win-Win. This attitude is suggesting that there is something for everyone. As Sean Covey states, success is not a pie. You do not have to be the first at the party and cut the largest slice. There is an infinite amount of success. That line, “infinite amount of success” sparked something in my brain when I first read it. I think it triggered a realization in my head: there is no point in being jealous of someone else’s success or judge one’s failure.

A Win-Win attitude recognizes that no one is good at everything. Whether you win the competition or receive last place, obtaining a Win-Win perspective will bring forth a sense of self-accomplishment. It will help one understand that even though the first place ribbon is in someone else’s hands, one can has still learned and gained some type of knowledge through the experience. The best way to go: Win-Win

What someone does…
Win-Win approach
You’re friend gets first place in the X-country race
You compliment him/her and are genuinely happy for their success, knowing that you excel in others areas.
You become first chair of the orchestra
You go up to your friend who tried really hard for the same position and say something encouraging, genuine and appreciative about their efforts.
You get good grade on English paper
You help your friend, who didn’t score as high, improve their writing.
You make a mistake in your math homework
You understand your mistake, you learn from it, but you also share your discoveries with the class, endeavoring to prevent others from making the same mistake.

Thinking Win-Win is personally one the most challenging, yet most effective tips in the 7 Habits. I fully read this chapter on Wednesday, May 11. During the rest of the school week, I practiced being mindful and happy for my friends’ successes while celebrating my own. For example, when English paper grades were returned, I observed and reflected upon my own grade. However, I was truly proud of my friend who received a better grade than me. Here is a poem about success that I have written:

Success is not a pie.
There is no “100%.”
There is an infinite amount of success,
And it comes in all forms;
grades,
art,
friendships.
But the most meaningful,
is when one discovers the power
of celebrating others.