Oftentimes, a first impression rooted in misunderstanding or lack of knowledge does not lead to
a friendship.

Certainly, there have been humans in public that see me and my pride earrings, but notice my pride earrings first in the grand scheme of things. Maybe they never considered me eligible for friendship material strictly due to my sexual orientation. Other individuals may experience this type of treatment based on their gender, race, disability, etc.  Educating yourself and others about internalized stereotypes or precalculated ideas is a great step toward recognizing and changing your reaction to first impressions.

Tip #1 - Educate yourself

Many stereotypes are unfortunately present in the LGBTQ+ community, and some of them are harmful.  Those stereotypes stem from misinformation or homophobia or transphobia. Challenge yourself to read #ownvoices books and media. #Ownvoices writing is written about a marginalized community, by a member of that community. Many times, #ownvoices pieces have positive and accurate representations of people in the LGBTQ+ community. You could also read autobiographies or memoirs of LGBTQ+ individuals who discuss their coming-out stories, their journeys to self-acceptance, or their work to better the community and the world. Music written by or performed by members of the LGBTQ+ community and movies that highlight queer voices in their production are other options for learning about and connecting with LGBTQ+ characters. You could also talk to queer individuals about questions you may have, but keep in mind that it is not our responsibility to educate everyone. If someone is not in a place where they can teach you, consult a book or other resource.

• Simon vs. the Homosapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

• Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann

• Can’t Take That Away by Steven Salvatore

• All Boys Aren’t Blue by George M. Johnson

• Being Jazz: My Life as a (Transgender) Teen by Jazz Jennings

• Listen to “Sun Goes Down” by Lil Nas X

• Watch “Love, Simon”

• Watch “Atypical”

Tip #2 - Don’t just focus on sexuality, gender identity, etc.

Once you’ve educated yourself enough that you can challenge your preconceived notions about the LGBTQ+ community, put that into play when you meet someone in the LGBTQ+ community. Remember that we are all people too, and our sexualities, gender identities, or types of attraction aren’t the defining factors of our lives. It’s something to remember and celebrate, but don’t hyperfocus on that one aspect of someone’s identity.

Tip #3 - Acknowledge and celebrate that part of someone’s identity

It’s not great to only see someone for their sexuality or gender identity — be supportive! If someone you know comes out, congratulate them. Maybe a friend will enter a relationship that isn’t a heterosexual one. Do your best to be supportive, even if that’s new territory for you. Most importantly, be respectful. Use everyone’s preferred pronouns and correct names. Ask if you don’t know. A major part of friendships or casual relationships is respect.  

Being an ally to the LGBTQ+ community may seem like a change at first, but by learning to better understand and accept different types of people, you will make new friends. Educate yourself about the queer community, especially through #ownvoices media, and challenge any misinformation you may have heard. Education is powerful and can bring individuals together through understanding. When meeting new people for the first time, consider what
you have learned and how you and LGBTQ+ people probably have more things in common than you realize. If you begin a friendship or acquaintanceship with someone in the LGBTQ+ community, remember to be respectful and not hyperfocus on their sexuality or gender identity. We are all human, and we all should value friendship.