Feedback on Wounded | Teen Ink

Feedback on Wounded

April 27, 2015
By rjld12 GOLD, Brooklyn, New York, New York
rjld12 GOLD, Brooklyn, New York, New York
17 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Wounded by Kylie Kelso while very poetic is very confusing. The poem I assume is about someone who gets shot by their father based off of details like the phrase "My Father shot me" in line one. The rest of the poem goes on to describe the person dying. However, given how vague the language is in this poem it is hard to tell. There could be some figurative meaning I am completely missing.
    Besides making some overall pointers about clarity I would like to give the author a few grammatical suggestions. There are a lot of sentence fragments which is probably intentional. However, these fragments are not having the intended "poetic" effect on me and made think "Did I just read that or do I need a new prescription for my glasses?" In the some of the cases I just think it is unnecessary like the fragment "Graced my vest." has no meaning by itself, but if you simply add the word it the sentence will be a complete thought. Also a lot of the poem just seemed like you took a poem that was a few lines and indented.



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