I can't remember the exact day my life stopped having meaning. I can't remember when I stopped smiling, or when all I wanted to do was sleep. No one noticed at first, not even me. After school and on weekends, all I did was sleep or just lay in bed with my eyes open, focused on nothing. My friends would ask me to hang out, I would decline, and after awhile they just stopped asking, which was okay with me. In addition to staying in bed, I would also burst into tears for no reason. Once I started crying, I couldn't stop, and usually I would cry myself to sleep.

When suicide became something I considered, all I wanted to do was get away from anything that could hurt me. I had isolated myself from those who cared about me, and all they could do was watch and wonder what was wrong. I felt like I was some kind of freak.

It was a sunny morning in June when I finally had the courage to write my mother a note. It told her how I had been feeling for the last few months and what I had been thinking about. I left it in front of her bedroom and went back into my room to sleep. I awoke to my mother with tears in her eyes, and I realized that she was someone who could get me help, and most important, that she cared. I went to a mental health doctor, who diagnosed me with chronic depression and put me on anti-depressant medication. I also had to go to a psychiatrist until I felt that I was ready to be on my own with my thoughts again. Once my friends realized what was wrong, they became immovable forces at my side, and helped me become the person I was before depression. I became closer to my mother, and found out that there's a history of depression in my family, and that I wasn't just a freak.

I am glad I am over this, but am bothered by the thought of what might have happened if I hadn't had the courage to write that letter. Now, any time I feel like I am becoming depressed, I tell my mother and she finds me help. Because of her continual support, I will never again feel unloved or unimportant.



When You're Depressed: You feel sad or cry a lot

* You feel guilty for no reason * Life seems meaningless * You have a negative attitude a lot of the time * You don't feel like doing things you used to like and you want to be left alone * It's hard to make up your mind or concentrate * Little things make you lose your temper * Your sleep pattern changes * Your eating habits change * You feel restless and tired most of the time

* You think about death, or about suicide

If You Think You're Depressed or are concerned about a friend, talk to a trusted family member, a school counselor, your family doctor, clergy or call a hotline.

The US Suicide Hotline 800-784-2433

NDMDA Depression Hotline 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide & Depression Hotline 800-999-9999

(psychologyinfo.com/depression/teens.htm)