It was 2:37 in the morning and I had just filled my stomach with a bottle full of painkillers and sleeping pills. I was going to die that day.

I went to bed at my normal time and stared up at the ceiling until I knew everyone was asleep in the house. I got up out of bed and grabbed 4 bottles from pharmacy that was under my bed, and put them in my pocket. I crept slowly out of my door and into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and nearly threw up. I was disgusting. My long hair and stubble, negativity, apathy, fighter, drug addict, player. This was my life. I slept with everyone in town, had a vikatin breakfast, hydrocodine lunch, oxycontin for dinner and 3 ambien to get to sleep. This was who I was.

I got undressed and took one last look at myself. I had left my laptop on the sink so when whoever found me could read the note. I scanned over it one last time.

To whom it may concern:
If you are reading this, than I am dead in the bathtub. Do not open the shower doors. Call the police and leave the room as quickly as possible. This was no one’s fault but my own. I am a disgusting man, with disgusting intentions. I have wrecked lives and people for money and drugs. I’m only doing this to rid the world of another bad person and so that everyone can move along in their life and forget about me. I want only family at the funeral because I have no friends. It’s my time.


I stepped inside of the bathtub and lay down. I had placed the bottles all in a row. My daily routine was about to come to an end. I unscrewed the caps and threw them all in my mouth without a moment of hesitation. Here we go. Darkness.

I woke up with cold water splashing in my face. Screams of a woman was ringing in my ears but everything she said was inaudible. My eyes were barely open and I was trying to speak, but everything that came out was another language. I was nauseated and threw up all over myself. 5, 6, 7 pills. Maybe 8. A man ran in the room and pulled me up out of the bathtub while I stared at the white light. I wanted to go back to the darkness. Back to where I was. I was dead. I closed my eyes. Back to black.


The beeping woke me up. A doctor was speaking to my parents. They said I was the luckiest kid alive. That was unfortunate I thought.