The Criminal in Camp | Teen Ink

The Criminal in Camp

September 14, 2017
By Mr.AndyB BRONZE, Greensboro, North Carolina
Mr.AndyB BRONZE, Greensboro, North Carolina
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

He was sprinting, the loud clacking of his shoes against the road made him easy to hear coming. Now that the sirens were far off in the distance he started to slow down. He found the car, it was on the side of the road. He jumped in and the engine roared to life. The driver said, "Did you get it?" Immediately the man responded, “No, but I know where it is." Then the car sped down the winding road.
He woke up in a puddle of sweat. That night Jared had a terrible nightmare. Little did he know that it was soon to come true. There were screams coming from outside. The counselors were all missing. The campers thought it was aliens at work. Only Jared knew, or thought he knew who did it, a killer.
All day the campers searched for the counselors, but they were no where to be found. Jared stayed in his room all day, wondering if a murderer did come. Other kids told him that he was insane. At the end of the day, Drake, one of Jared's friends, came running in to the camp screaming about a person he saw chasing him.Once he calmed down he said, "There was a van in the woods. It’s a big black van and, it has mud all over it. Then a man came out and started chasing me." That night, the man sneaked in to camp.
  Jared woke up to screaming. He woke up so late because he stayed up late last night. All the campers were huddled together in the middle of camp. There was a camper on the ground, Drake. He was in a puddle of blood,dead. Jared came closer and saw that there were five bullets in his head and seven in his chest. “Someone didn't want him alive” said a camper. Then Jared heard footsteps behind him. He whirled around and saw a man dressed in black.
He was wearing a hood and sunglasses even though it was the afternoon. The man started running. Jared chased after him. The man ran into the woods. His long strides made it hard for the man to remain free of Jared's grasps. Suddenly the man darted to the side and into the bushes. Jared tried to follow but he slipped in the mud and fell. The man ran far in to the distant until Jared couldn’t see him anymore. Then Jared realized that he was lost. It was starting to get dark.
Suddenly, there where screams, tons of them almost like a city was dying. Jared tried following the screams but they were surrounding him. Then he saw lights in the distance. He didn’t understand he was far in the woods. He walked closer to the lights. It was a van, just like the one Drake found. Jared went inside the back of the van. He found an enormous bulletin board. On it was a picture of a gem. Jared thought he recognized the gem. It was part of the giant flag pole at the cafeteria. It was the decoration at the top of the flag pole.
Then Jared heard footsteps outside. Jared hurried to find a hiding spot. He hid behind the front seats. The doors opened and two campers came inside, Cassie and Duncan. Jared came out to greet them, but he accidentally scared them. “Ahhh!” They screamed. Then they realized that it was just Jared. “Dude, you scared us half to death,” Duncan said. ”Yeah” said Cassie. “Sorry” said Jared “Look what I found.” Then he pointed at the bulletin board. “Whoa” Duncan said in amazement. “I always thought the gem was fake.” Then the group decide to get back to camp. They hoped the criminal would be gone.
Once they got to camp they found all the campers dead, each killed in their own way. One had a slit throat, another had their head sliced off and a bullet in the chest, one had their eyes shoved down their throat and their intestine cut out. The group was horrified, all of their friends were slaughtered. The group walked to the cafeteria, hoping to find the man and avenge their friends. Duncan said, “I’m going to call the cops just for backup if the guy is here.”
The group walked closer. They were a couple meters away when they realized where the counselors were. They were hanging from the ceiling of the cafeteria. All had the same fate as the other campers. Then in the far corner of the cafeteria the man came out of the shadows. He had a pistol in one hand and a knife in the other.
Jared ran to the kitchen and grabbed three knives. He gave one to Duncan and Cassie. They charged at the man. The man ran towards them. Jared was the first to attack the man. Each person was a good, but the man a better fighter. Jared was knocked back, off his feet, onto the hard cold floor. Cassie was knocked back and hit the ground unconscious. Duncan was now fighting with his fists, but an uppercut knocked him unconscious too.
Now they were all lying on the ground except Jared, he managed to get on his feet during Duncan’s fist fight. The man came to Jared with his gun pointed at his head. Jared was terrified. He still had his knife he hid it behind his back. The man was now a few steps away. He took his mask off and revealed his face. His face was scarred and torn. His cold heart was beating out of his chest. Jared knew the man didn’t want to do it, he didn’t want to pull the trigger again. He did, in an instant Jared pulled his knife out and stabbed the man’s heart as the man pulled the trigger. The cold metal trigger. It had ended so many lives that day. It just ended one more, Jared’s.



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This article has 1 comment.


Saltine BRONZE said...
on Sep. 20 2017 at 5:29 pm
Saltine BRONZE, Greensboro, North Carolina
3 articles 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Today is going to be a good day and here's why: because today, today at least you're you, and that's enough."




-"Finale", Dear Evan Hansen

This is fairly well-written, but there is some things that don't seem to be the best at parts. For example, the reactions to the multiple deaths almost seem like they're not there at all, and instead brushed past in order to continue the plot. Though that could be because of spur-of-the-moment kind of thing or adrenaline that was probably going on during that moment, it kind of still makes the characters who witnessed it(i.e. Jared, Duncan, and etc.) seem uncaring or even somewhat psychopathic with their lack of a reaction even thought they do go after the killer to do something about it. This comment is getting kind of long, so I'll stop there and end with a couple of words: even though I did nitpick at it, the story and basis is good and written well enough to be likable. So if you even read this, I thank you for your time and hope you have a good day or night. Your fellow student, Saltine(you probably know who I am by my username and this, but whatever)