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Behind the Willow Part 1
It was an average warm Florida late afternoon. The sun hadn’t yet sunken all the way bellow the horizon, but began to partially hide behind the distant houses. Just 20 minutes ago I had decided to make a quick escape from my home life on my old, rarely used bike. Only a few days after I had received the blue and black 2 wheel vehicle, the Florida freeze of 2010 hit. I couldn’t even contemplate leaving the warmth of my home without getting frostbite. Once the fringed temperatures had dissipated, a wave of thunderstorms had taken its place. There had been a nearly constant downpour for days, but for now it seemed like the clouds would hold their liquid contents for a few hours.
I was making my way around two massive lakes. Tree limbs and leaves had found their way into the green water contained within the lakes shores. My gaze was fixed forward, not wanting to hit a fallen branch, when something caught my eye. A slight movement in the brush. At first, I thought nothing of it. I had put off the slight rustling as a deer coming out of its green world to examine the foreign object known as sunlight. Then, something immerged from the forest. A family. What appeared to be a mother, father, teen son, and daughter, who looked about 4, had left the forest and began to walk along a small patch of land, which soon connected to the gray sidewalk. It was a strange thing to see a family leave such a outlandish place. Thoughts soon clouded my mind, what were they doing in there? Were they looking for something? A lost dog perhaps, or possibly a cat? Were they wildlife buffs or something? Why take such a young girl? The thoughts flooded my mind, making assessment of any other subject virtually impossible. I knew that the only way to cure myself from this madness was to answer my queries.
Once I regained awareness of the world around me, I found that I had strayed from the position of the families emergence from the damp, over grown jungle. With a swift turn of the handlebars, I made a sharp U-turn on my two wheeled friend, and left the area. I rode back up the narrow street, just far enough to where when I turned around, the family would be to far to see me enter the woods. Once again I made a turn, heading back to the mysterious lakes. I quickly turned my head in every direction, searching for the peculiar family, but my search was in vain, the family had vanished. Ahead of me was the woodland, and the answer to my questions.
I soon reached the point where the sidewalk meet the grassy patch of land. I eagerly jumped off my bicycle, threw it down to the grass, instinctively said sorry, and then jogged over to where the family had immerged from the green wall. After minutes of searching, I discovered an enormous willow tree. Its long, green branches hung down like fingers, tickling the ground. Its trunk was a deep brown, its leaves a lush green. But it wasn’t the magnificent tree that drew my attention, it was what was hiding under the tree. A small pathway, which was protected by some of the limbs of the willow, cut through the forest.
There was something about it that enticed me. Something that called to me, its voice soothing, saying “Come in! Discover my secrets!” I took 10 minutes to contemplate my choices: go home, continue my ride, or enter. I’m sure you know which one I chose.
The moment that my foot stepped onto the muddy brown soil, my fate was sealed……………..
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This article has 6 comments.
Interesting.
One thing that struck me was the narration. It sounded kind of fake, for example you wrote, "...to answer my queries." That sounds odd in a first person narrative coming from a teenage boy. This and other minor things like this make you story seem less realistic. The way you write it makes it seem that the story is being narrated by a college professor. Which shows that you have a grasp of words, but not setting.
I do like the way you ended it though, by saying, "The moment that my foot stepped onto the muddy, brown soil, my fate was sealed..."
Otherwise, I found this story to be...just typical.
I also agree with Bassoonkelley. Instead of just saying that the day was average, describe what made it so.