I should’ve been use to the yelling and slamming by then, but It all still trembled in my ears. Ever since mom left when I was eight, to the day I didn’t come home, he was always yelling.

I was getting ready for the party as he stormed into my room, screaming at me and yelled, “Nicole, your skirt is way too short. If you’re not careful something’s gonna happen that you won’t like!” As he was saying that, I pushed past him and ran out the door to my best friend Christine’s house. It was a chilly fall night in Buffalo Oklahoma. The leaves were slowly falling from the trees while turning to different yellows and reds, contrasting with the Halloween decorations. I felt an almost erie feeling as I made my way through the deserted neighborhood. I just shook off that feeling and told myself that that night was going to be fun. I was a senior, so it was my last halloween in Buffalo with all of the people I grew up with.

I got to Christine’s and she was in the traditional slutty cat costume that she’d worn for the last three years; it suited her though. I on the other hand was wearing a school girl costume, but my skirt was just above my knee caps and my shirt was a long sleeved turtleneck. As we waited on Eric to pick us up, we just talked about the night.

It was half way through the night and I already lost Eric and Christine in the hectic crowd of insecure, attention seeking people. I shoved my way up the stairs, trying not to smell the body oder radiating in the air. Then, as I walked into the first door on my right, I found them. Christine was on top of Eric. I froze for a second until Eric’s eyes met mine. I ran, weaving through all the people.

 Once outside, Eric grasped my arm way too hard. I could feel the bruises forming under his finger tips. He kept profusely saying that he was sorry and how it meant nothing, but I couldn’t think and didn’t say a word. Then, he got closer to me and right in my face. I told him to stop and to leave me alone, but he kept creeping closer. 

Then you showed up and pushed him off of me, and he stumbled off. I didn’t know who you were; that was weird to me because everyone knows everyone in Buffalo. You helped me up as I started bawling. I told you everything; I didn’t even know you, but I told you anyway. We walked down the street, and I felt perfectly safe.

The next thing that I remember is waking up in a bed that was not mine. I kept trying to remember where I was, but I couldn’t remember for the life of me. I still can’t. I called out, asking if anyone was there and you walked through the door. I was more confused than I’ve ever been in my life. You wouldn’t answer any of my questions, except one. You told me your name was Jamie. I’ve always liked the name Jamie; it sounded so harmless.

You told me that you had to go do something and that you’d be back later. I had no idea how long I’d been all alone for. It seemed like days but it could’ve been hours. There wasn’t a clock or even a window, so I had no way of knowing. All I knew was that I had to get out of there. I thought that my dad was going to kill me and if I didn’t get back to school I could fall too far behind and lose my chances of getting out of this town.

Then I heard a door slam, and my heart started to race. It felt like it was trying to jump out of my chest. You started to turn the door knob, and I sprinted for the bed, pretending I was sleeping. I could feel your eyes on me as you got closer. When you got so close that I could feel your breath breeze through my hair, I jumped up and ran as fast as I could towards the door. After that I just saw a screen door in between me and my future. I could feel you grasping for me, but I was just out of touch until we reached the street. It was dark out and the stars were brighter than I’ve ever seen them.

 You finally reached my arm and tugged me back. It was gentle though. I couldn’t feel your fingers dig so far in that they left bruises, like when Eric did it. You turned me toward you and started to say something before two headlights came into view. You looked back and forth between me and the car as if you were debating on staying or fleeing. Your gaze stopped at me as the people in the car got out. You looked sorry as you let go of my arm and ran away. I collapsed to me knees. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you as you disappeared into the darkness.Then I felt someone drop down next to me and squeeze me so hard that I was having trouble breathing and everything went dark.

I woke up the next morning in the hospital with Christine and my dad on both sides of me, holding my hands. Apparently I was missing for a week and had no food or water the whole time, so I was extremely malnutritioned and dehydrated. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about what happened. I’ve been told that they’ve found you and you’re in confinement, so I’m writing you this letter to get the answers you didn’t give to me before. Why did you do it? Why me?