Lost, Still Undefined | Teen Ink

Lost, Still Undefined

February 23, 2014
By Michelle_Baldwin SILVER, Lawrenceville, Georgia
Michelle_Baldwin SILVER, Lawrenceville, Georgia
7 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt


Brutal, describes the world that surrounds me. Untamed. Dangerous. One small step in the wrong direction ensures me a free ticket to my own grave. My cave isn’t too bad. I mean there’s stone cold walls and spiders lurking around every unturned stone. Vines creep up the grey, frigid walls.
The leaves crunch beneath my paws as I make my way towards my pack. The breeze flows over my back crinkling my snow white fur. Enormous oaks pass me by as I turn towards the rock encasing my clothes. I look towards the moon and howl. A pain rips at every fiber my being. My bones shift as my white hair disappears. My pointy ears become round.
“They said it gets easier. Liars.” I quickly get dressed to cover my birthday suite. I don’t plan on going all natural today. I start pulling my hair back and sigh. “Kyle stop lurking in the shadows. I can smell your horrific stench and let me tell you, it’s not attractive.” I hear a rustling in the bush behind me. Out steps tall, mysterious Kyle. His blue eyes pierce through me. “If my dad, you know the ALPHA, found out that you were peeping on his little girl he would have your tail. Literally.”
“Go chase a rabbit, Audrey. Your dad loves me. Hopefully not as much as you though.” He lays his arm across my shoulders pulling me close. I giggle. “Besides if he takes my tail quote on quote, when you’re alpha you can just hand it right back.”
“What if I don’t want to be alpha? What if I want to explore the world? Discover if this is who I really am. I need to define myself.”
“We are werewolves. There really isn’t anywhere we can go ever since our kind was banded from the city.”
“Still… Don’t you ever wonder?” I ask with an inquiring look plastered on my face.
“Nope. I personally don’t want to be put on display at some museum as a rug. So I just don’t think about it. You should stop filling your head with dreams that probably will never come true. You’re a wolf. Live it, love it, and just don’t ever deny it. It’s who you are.”
“Yeah I guess.” We walk hand in hand towards the cave that I’m supposed to call home. But I don’t know. I am full of confusion.
The fire before me lights up the dark, gloomy world. The heat radiates warming my pale skin. It flickers like a firefly flashing its little light.
“Daddy.” I step towards my bulky father who is overlooking the flames.
“Audrey. My pup.” He opens his arms and pulls me into a bear hug or as I should say “wolf hug”. He overwhelms me with a variety of smells: pine cones, deer, and a few things that make my eyes water. Werewolves are not the cleanest species around. It’s gruesome.
“I’m not a pup anymore.” I push away to find among the pack. Looks like there is just no other option. I settle on a moss covered, grossing looking, and termite infested log. I move frequently to avoid getting bitten by the pests resting under my rump.
“Fellow friends and family. I am sure you are all aware of what will be occurring on the next full moon. Which just so happens to be tomorrow.” My dad laughs at his incredibly unfunny joke. “My daughter, Audrey.” Here we go again. I roll my eyes as my dad gives his “Change of Power” speech. “She will become the new Alpha. She will be of age. Besides I think my sniffer…” He taps his nose quickly. “…has sniffed too many behinds to continue working.” Again with the jokes. I laugh just to flatter him.
“An eighteen year-old has no business leading the mighty wolf pack.” He says sarcastically as he appears.
“Ryder.” My dad drops to all fours and quickly experiences “the change”. A black wolf now arches its back and growls ferociously. “I am alpha. You already tried to defeat me. You know the laws.” His green eyes shift to the beastly, starved lone wolf that challenges the pack.
“The law states that any wolf can challenge the current alpha once. Seeing that I’ve already lost to you. Tomorrow I think I will take a bite at daddy’s little girl.” He snarls as he paces back and forth creating a draft.
“I will…”
“You will what? Break the law? I doubt it.” His glare transfers from my dad to me. His lifeless, condemning eyes burn wholes in me. “Princess.” He steps closer. Kyle shoves his body between ours flashing his canines as a threat. “Don’t try to leave. If you do… Let’s just say daddy will be no more.” The back stiffens as the hideous creature backs up into the treacherous forest.
Everyone looks to me for answers. My father almost says something but I cut him off. “Just don’t.” I back up as fear turns my stomach upside down. I can’t breathe. Kyle reaches for me but I shove him away as tears fill my eyes. I just shake my head. I turn and run towards the unknown. The city.
I escape the looks that dare me to act against Ryder. I prop myself against a cold, lifeless boulder. I slide plopping onto the ground that feels unstable. My heartbeat calms as I try to wrap my mind around the fact that I might die on my birthday.
I need to run. I take in a deep breath. In and Out. Focus. I arch my back while screaming from the pain. My claws form burrowing into the soft soil beneath me. My tail shoots out and my paws take formation. I become the wolf.
The sun begins to rise. Colors become clear. Green, brown, blues, and reds all bring joy to my eyes. My breathing increases as I pick up the pace to avoid being shot by the hidden hunters. My tail soars behind me as pine straw sticks to the pads of my paws.
“Who are you? What do you want?” I scream at myself unsure about the answers. A large oak tree appears in my path. Almost urging me to stop to consider where this path leads. Exile, dead daddy, and an unappealing lone wolf taking my birth right. Something I don’t even know if I truly want. I press my fur covered back against the rigid bark.
The tree’s shadow becomes different sizes as the sun rises and falls. The night is coming. I turn my muzzle to the sky. A crackle snags my attention. My breathing increases, heart pounds, and I cautiously turn my head to reveal the concealed side of the tree.
A kid? A terrified, little girl sits on the grounds weeping for her mother. I focus my hearing. Listening, searching for signs of the kid’s parents. There. A mother searching for her about a mile away closer to the city limits.
The girl notices me and screams for help. The fear in her eyes is like a dagger to my heart. I don’t mean to be scary. I lower my ears drop to the ground and wag my tail like a typical pet. I am anything but. She calms and slowly reaches out her hand to stoke my fluffy head. Gently, she laughs and hugs me tight. I nudge her onto my back and carry her towards her mother.
I set her down as I hide behind a leafy bush. The girl runs towards her mother. The beautiful moment made me flash to my family, my pack. If do not save them then families will be torn, ripped apart paw from paw.
I swiftly turn back the way I came, towards Ryder. My paws ache as the full moons fills the sky. Happy birthday to me or not. I am alpha now. Time to defend it. I know who I am. I guess I was just a little lost, undefined for a short period. I just needed to matter.
The fire has been executed, put out. Everyone has changed into their wolf form creating a battle arena. My dad and Kyle stand next to each other scared to death that this fight will be the end of me. Ryder holds a rock solid stance in the middle of the ring. Waiting.
“Let’s get this over with. I’m not in the mood for exile. So shall we.” I growl showing my strong, pearly whites. My alpha teeth. Ryder lunges at me. All his body weight presses down on me as his teeth dig into my back. I wince. I whimper at the overwhelming pain the shocks of my body. Drops of scarlet, red blood soak my back as some drip off his stained teeth. He throws me across the ring sending me tumbling on the ground in circles.
I just found out who I am. I defined myself. This is not over. I conjure up every ounce of strength left in my body and pounce on him. His muzzle slams to the ground as I stand over him. My towering body pushes him into the solid ground. “You will leave. Never return.” I bark at him viciously. I release him as he sprints fearing for his life. I take a deep breath. In and out.
Everyone howls. Cheering that I won, that I am finally their alpha. My true place. I guess I found my way, even if it was a little, melodramatic journey to get here.



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