Hi. You may know me, but for those of you who don’t, my name is Magnificent King of the Wolves, on Wolf for short.

In these new times, it seems as though everyone recognizes me as the wicked villain in Little Red Riding Hood. Yes, I do suppose I tried to consume her, but that was only for a laugh! Because of that dreadful incident, I am currently the resident of the musty jail cell #6752. However, once you hear my tale, I want you to decide if I’m the good guy, not the villain.

Once upon a time, a girl named Little Red Riding Hood was strolling down the sunlit path to her grandmother’s cottage, wearing the magenta cape her grandmother presented her on her birthday. I was sitting off the path, eating ripe strawberries by the swiftly moving river.

Now, I don’t believe in fate or anything, but when Little Red Riding Hood slipped in a puddle of strawberry juice as she was skipping by, even I admit it was destined to happen. She fell with a splat, and the strawberry juice splashed everywhere as she landed. Being a gentleman, I bent down to help her up. Well, maybe it wasn’t such a smart idea, especially since my sharp canine fangs were stained with a blood-like red substance, and my paws were covered in a goopy liquid that reminded someone of blood.

Okay. I want you to stop, and think what you would’ve done, if you were Little Red Riding Hood. For example, would you have realized it was sweet strawberry juice and just went along your merry way, OR would you have wondered the juice was from the blood from a poor human I’ve been (hypothetically) eating? Guess what Little Red Riding Hood picked. Yep, the second option. She quickly scurried up and ran down the threadlike route, screaming her head off. I needed to stop her from calling for help, so I hollered, “There’s a plot of daisies you can pick for your grandma near that oak tree! You know how much Grandma loves flowers!”

To my surprise, Little Red Riding Hood stopped sprinting, and she had a weird look on her face. I held my breath. Would she go for the flowers?

Red turned around, and ran to the field of wonderful smelling daisies, burrowing herself in the flowers.

I sighed in relief. However, the peace wasn’t going to last long. To make sure there wasn’t going to be trouble, I needed to dash to Grandmother’s house and persuade her I wasn’t going to devour Red.

As soon as I reached this decision, I darted to the miniscule cottage in the clearing. When I reached the house, something made me stop in my tracks. A massive hunter stepped out from the trees, musket in hand. I barely had time to hide behind a low-lying bush. My heart pounded nervously. The hunter was coming closer to my hiding spot. Sticky sweat slid down my face.

Fortunately for me, the hunter didn’t see me, and he walked away whistling. Whew!

Once I was positive the hunter was gone, I quickly raced to the cottage and slammed the mahogany door wide open.

From inside the dark cottage, lying on her bed, Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother stared at me in shock.

“Please don’t eat me!” she cried.

“I’m not going to eat anybody! I just want to tell you something. Don’t trust Little Red Riding Hood. Don’t believe a word she says!” I yelled.

Just then, a bright sunny voice rang out over the deserted clearing.

“Grandmother, I brought you some flowers and some cookies to cheer you up-wait, I just remembered! Grandma, call the police! I just saw a wolf along the way here, and he was eating another person! I think he was about to eat me too!”

Grandmother looked at me with wide eyes, and I saw her put two and two together. Without thinking, I grabbed her, took off her flowery bonnet, and threw her under the bed just as Little Red Riding Hood skipped through the open doorway.

Red started at me in the bed.

“What big eyes you have, Grandmother!” Red exclaimed.

Hmm… what could I say?

“The better to… ummm… see you with, darling!”

I was pretty satisfied with myself when I gave her that answer, where her sharp mind just blurted out another one,

“What a big nose you have, Grandmother!” Red wondered.

“The better to smell you with!”

“What big teeth you have, Grandmother!” Red questioned.

This girl was far too observant for her own good. I was pretty sure there was no one around for miles, so as a joke, I announced,

“The better to EAT you with, darling!!”

I jumped out of the bed, meaning to alarm her, but then, Grandmother reached out from under the bed. She clutched me with skeletal fingers.

“Run and get help, Little Red Riding Hood!” she screeched.

But then, a deep voice said, “No need. I’m here.”

It was the hunter! I swear it’s the truth that Red and her grandmother blushed when he walked in. I rolled my eyes, thinking, seriously??

Anyways, AHHH!!! It was the Hunter! He raised his gun, and I covered behind my paws. My life was going to end, here in this rickety bed! The hunter would probably shoot me, and send me to dark oblivion. My whole body was trembling, and I felt the urge to flee.

But thankfully, all he did was snap steel handcuffs on me, took me by the neck, and dragged me off to the county jail. Well, as much as I hate jail, I would much rather be alive.

So, in conclusion, it was a joke gone wrong! Even so, I still had to go to court for consuming a human, frightening a girl, breaking and entering, and eating three little pigs! It was plain slander! None of it was necessarily true!

Well, except for the pigs. They were extremely crunchy and delicious when made into bacon. Mmmm…….