Killer-Part 1 | Teen Ink

Killer-Part 1

September 24, 2009
By arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
24 articles 0 photos 94 comments

I've always been bored with my life. I read all these stories about wizards and werewolves, and i longed to be part of them. I guess i got more than I bargained for.
I was only your average teenage girl. I was pretty, definitely, but not beautiful. I had curly black hair and bright green eyes. My skin was so pale it looked white. My friends said it made me look like a vampire. Little did they know how right they were.
It was on my twelfth birthday, when my life fell apart. I started to feel thirsty. I drank ate, did everything, but it wouldn’t go away. After a week, I was sick. After two weeks, I was dying. Then, I woke up.
No, I wasn’t dreaming, but I had fainted, at least, that's what I was told. I didn’t wake up until I felt a straw in my mouth. I drank the warm liquid, and immediately I felt better. There was a boy in front of me, holding the straw.
“You’re awake.” he said, “That's good.”
I moaned and tried to get up. The boy gently pushed me back down. “You're weak from loss of blood,” he continued, “Here, this will help.”
He pushed another straw into my mouth. I felt energy rush into my veins, and I sat up gingerly.
I looked at the mysterious boy who had saved my life. He had black wavy hair, and skin like mine, pale white. His face was, well, perfect. He had a square jaw, and a small nose. His face didn’t look real; it was like a perfect marble sculpture. Hen I looked at his eyes. They were a bright green, like mine. They seemed to see right through me, and made me nervous. I hoped my eyes didn’t have the same effect.
I didn’t know what to say to him, but luckily, he broke the ice. “My name is Delos.”
“I'm Iris.”
“Nice name.”
I started laughing, but laughter echoed strangely in the room or cavern or wherever I was. I stopped laughing. Why would Delos bring me here, and care for me for no reason. He had to have a purpose.
“Doles,” I said, before I could lose my nerve, “What do you want from me?”
He laughed. “You are not strong enough to get what I want. But you will learn, oh yes.”
“Learn what?”
“How to survive.”
“You're avoiding my question.”
He laughed again, “You don't understand what you are, and I will teach you. You can become invincible under me.”
“What am I?” I whispered, even though deep down inside, I knew the answer.
“Vampire,” he said, and I collapsed into a dead faint


The author's comments:
Please comment. I need to knwo that this DOESN'T totally suck. plus i want tips.

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This article has 44 comments.


RLJoy DIAMOND said...
on Oct. 1 2009 at 7:17 pm
RLJoy DIAMOND, Glen Rock, New Jersey
56 articles 0 photos 86 comments
OMG this is so good!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is very detailed and its so amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on Oct. 1 2009 at 7:04 pm
arElana PLATINUM, Fair Lawn, New Jersey
24 articles 0 photos 94 comments
im working on that now. i actually have a preface written but it would kinda ruin the story. i hope you like delos, because he is much more ruthless than you see in this chapter

connellys said...
on Oct. 1 2009 at 6:47 pm
This piece was incredible. It was very detailed and painted a very vivid picture in my mind. When you say, "I've always been bored with my life. I read all these stories about wizards and werewolves, and I longed to be a part of them. I guess i got more than I bargained for," it reminded me a lot of Twilight in the preface. I like how you included the way Delos looked, and how similar the two of you look when you wrote, "He had black wavy hair, and skin like mine, pale white. His face was, well, perfect. He had a square jaw, and a small nose. His face didn't look real; it was like a perfect marble sculpture. Then i looked at his eyes, they were a bright green, like mine." You make the story seem so realistic. You did a really great job!

on Oct. 1 2009 at 12:29 pm
Onceknown BRONZE, Denver, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
Courage is doing what your afraid to do
There can be no courage unless your scared
-Eddie Rickerbacker

How could you think this might even have the chance of being bad?! I am very curious to see what happens next. When are you writing the next part?