There are have been so many times in my life that someone has told me that I’m good at something, or that people like me or something to that effect. It’s been that way my whole life, people praising about something that I’m probably only mediocre at. You see, the problem with compliments is that they get to your head.

There comes a point when your not recognized when it counts, and you realize that your not as good as you thought you were, and that people don’t like you as much as you thought they did. You eventually realize that you are completely ordinary, nothing special at all, and you come to the conclusion that there is nothing truly good about you. You are, in the eyes of the universe, completely and totally worthless. This, I believe, is one of the worst feelings in the world.

Although, I have yet to decide if this is a good thing or bad thing, because for the moment, it hurts, and maybe it hurts forever, maybe you never really have the same confidence that you had before, but despite all of the hurt, it makes you want to do anything you possibly can to be something worth remembering, something worth truly commending.

This concept is something I’ve struggled with for a long time. For a while I’ll think that I’m good at a lot of things, that if I set my mind to one of them I could be amazing at it, but then someone that I thought was proud of me proves that they really aren’t, something that I thought I was very good at proves to be something I’m really not good at. I struggle with believing that I will make it, with believing that I’m worth making it.

Yet, me being the kind of person who never tell anyone close to her about that things that really bother her, I tend to make it look like I think very highly of myself. People find it hard to respect people who don’t have respect for themselves, and I am especially desperate for the respect and approval of others, a faulty trait, I know.

There was one day, I particularly long time ago, that I was dead set in believing that there was no point to trying anymore, because no matter how hard I tried, it was never good enough. I was certain that I would never be as smart or talented as people tried to tell me I was. This is the kind of time that I would go onto some social media, and start messaging people from my life that I talk to every once and a while, but never on a personal level, making it look like something I sent to a bunch of people. I would say something that would jokingly poke at how much life sucked and if you replied, then we’d have a nice conversation that would hopefully make me feel better about myself.

That day, though, you were the only person that replied. The conversation started out playful, but then you asked why I was upset in the first place. We ended up having a long conversation about our self-esteem issues and family problems, pretty much everything that makes us feel bad about ourselves.

Knowing that I wasn’t that only one that felt the way I did was refreshing.

Eventually we talked more, and that only made me want to pull away. I knew you would never feel that same way so why should I keep torturing myself? You noticed, and you told me that, despite everything I thought, I was extraordinary, that I was everything that people tried to tell me I was all the time and more. You said that I was beautiful, and you told me all of the things that you loved about me, like the way I have little tan freckles all over my reddish colored cheeks, but only when you look really close, the way my eyes where less brown and more of a honey color, the way I look when I’m concentrating, the way you can feel everything I’m feeling when I sing something slow.

Then, in that moment, I believed you. I believed that I was extraordinary, I just try too hard and beat myself up to much. I realized deep down that it was okay that not everyone sees how hard I try to be excellent, but you see it, you see me and that's all that really matters.

After that, we were inseparable, and you made sure to tell me how amazing you think I am whenever you thought that maybe I was doubting it. At a point, my mother was mad that we were still together, because you had decided not to go to college, but you had other things in mind, and I respected that. We weren’t planning on getting married anytime soon or doing anything drastic like that, so if at some point we had to go our separate ways, it wouldn’t be so complicated.

There were some rocky patches where I thought that you wouldn’t make it, or I thought that I wasn’t good enough for you, but we always came bouncing back. You always made sure that I knew everything would work out just that way it was suppose to.

Now, as I’m laying here, with your right arm wrapped around my waist and your warm chest pressed firmly against my back, I realise that I am grateful for all the moments that I thought I would never become the greatness that I so desperately wanted to become, because those moments motivated me to prove my inner thoughts wrong, to be the very best me that I could possibly be. Most importantly, though, I am grateful to you, who gave me the strength to realize that I had the ability to reach that level of greatness, and that, to an extent, I was already there.

I truly, from the bottom of my heart want to thank you for the firm chest against my back, and the strong arm around my waist, because mornings like this, where I just lay here in your warmth, are the mornings that I realize how far I’ve come, and that I have finally reached greatness, and that, maybe, I was great all along.

I want to thank you, because you are the reason I am who I am. You were great long before I ever even wanted to be. You will always be the center of my universe, my rock, my reason for living, my reason to be me.

You are my greatness, and I love you.