“Okay, your total today is going to be eleven twenty-five,” the cashier practically sang. Or at least it sounded like a song, her voice was so captivating it took me a second to register what she had said to me. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of fumbling, I managed to dig the crumpled twenty-dollar bill out of my wallet and hand it over. Watching as she counted out my change, I was dumbstruck. This woman was astonishing. From the way her beautiful blonde hair was tied up into a tight pony tail on her head, to the way her oversized faded blue work shirt hung loosely on her body, I am in complete awe.

After finally coming to my senses and moving myself along and out of the store, I eventually manage to make my way to my car. But for some reason I can’t bring myself to start it. I can’t just leave without giving her my number, there is no way I can pass up this opportunity.

As I scramble through the trash, old receipts, and miscellaneous papers scattered throughout my car, I stumble upon an old scrap of a girl scout cookie box that I once struggled to open, and I find it to be the perfect thing to write my name and number on. Finding a pen in the center console, I frantically scribble my information and then bravely head back into the store. Making it back inside, my confidence starts to dwindle. What if she says no? What if she’s not interested? Or worse yet, what if she already has a significant other? Deciding I don’t care what the outcome is, I muster up the courage to just walk right up, and place the little piece of cardboard on her register. Or at least, that was the plan. What actually ended up happening was me awkwardly shuffling through the hoards of people, discreetly sliding the paper onto her register, and half-running away before she even knew what happened.

“Wow, that was lame,” I think to myself as I all but run away.

Making it to my car for the second time, a little defeated this time around, I finally start my engine and drive towards home.

My mind races faster than it ever has. Will she call me? Will she just throw the paper away? Did she even notice I had left it? God I hate not knowing.

The drive home was such a blur, I couldn’t even remember which route I had taken. While I fumble with my keys in one had and balance my giant bag of groceries in the other, my phone starts to ring. Instantly, my body floods with nervousness. Is it her? Would she call so soon? Or will she just text me? Isn’t she still at work? After forcing the door open, and dropping my bags on the ground, I dig my phone out of my back pocket. Disappointment slams into my chest when I realize it’s just my sister calling me.

“Hello?” I snap into the phone.

“Whoa whoa whoa, what’s wrong with you? I was just calling to see if you’re free for dinner at mom’s on Saturday.” I hear my sister reply sounding a little hurt by my harsh welcome.

“Ugh… I’m sorry. I just thought you were someone else. Yeah, I can do dinner on Saturday, is there anything I should bring?”

After hashing out the fine details of our family dinner, I finally get to hang up the phone and put my groceries away. Man am I exhausted after such a long and emotionally tolling day. As I put all of my groceries away, I couldn’t help but think about that cashier. She had put my groceries in the bag so skillfully it felt almost wrong to take them out of the bag. I barely even knew her but she already was perfect in every way. Should I go back tomorrow just to see her again? Will she even be working? No. I don’t need anymore groceries, and I don’t want to seem like a creep. All I can do is wait for her to contact me and hope for the best.

Sprawled out on my bed, I am content. For the first time in hours I finally am not thinking of that dang cashier, instead I mechanically scroll through photos of people I don’t really care about. Social media is such a mindless thing to use, it is merely an escape from daily stresses. Eventually, I fall asleep in bed while still scrolling through facebook.

Beep… beep… beep… beep… My phone abruptly wakes me from my warm slumber. Attempting to find the strength to take my arms out of the warm cocoon I have created, I struggle to turn off my alarm. Why did I even set an alarm today? It’s Friday, I don't work today. Discovering my phone deep in my blankets, I easily turn the incessant alarm off. Ugh. I can’t just go back to sleep now, I feel too awake. Then it hits me. Did she text me? Checking my phone, and frantically refreshing all of my apps to be sure I received any and all notifications I could have possibly gotten, I begin to feel dejected. The only messages I got were from my family group chat, all plans for our dinner tomorrow night. Maybe she was too tired to text me after work last night? How long should I wait before deciding that she just isn’t going to call? Should I try and talk to her at the store if she doesn’t call? Maybe she lost my number accidentally.

Wallowing in my self pity for a good ten minutes, I decide it’s time to get up and shower. The hot, steamy water of the shower always makes me feels better. It’s as if it melts away all my pains and aches, and revitalizes my body for the coming day.

At about two PM, I start to get bored out of my mind. After having already done laundry, cleaned my room, and tidied up the house, I no longer have anything that I really need to do. My sister did say that I should probably bring a dessert of some sort to dinner tomorrow, maybe I should try baking something? What a perfect excuse to go to the store.

Driving back to the grocery store, I begin to get nervous again. What if she’s there? What if she isn’t? If she is, will I have the courage to say something to her? Or should I just avoid her altogether? Afterall, she probably won’t call me if she hasn’t by now. Would it be more embarrassing to talk to her or to avoid her at all costs? God this is stressful.

Pulling up to the parking lot, I find a parking spot really close to the doors, which basically never happens, so this has to be a good sign. I start to look over the other cars in the parking lot and wonder which one could belong to her, or if someone drives her to work. But then I realize that someone else thinks I’m trying to leave, and they’re waiting for my parking spot. I quickly turn off my engine and head towards the store.

Walking in, my heart starts to pound. I can hear my blood pumping in my ears, and my palms start to sweat. All I need are a few simple ingredients, and I can be on my way. No need to stay here longer than necessary. As I walk through the door I see her, and I freeze. What should I do? Walk the other way? Or go say hello? I’m torn, so instead I circle the store a few times before deciding anything.

Having gathered almost all of my groceries in my basket at this point, I head towards the flour section, knowing that is the last thing I need before I can leave. As I turn the corner towards the aisle the flour is down, I see her. There she is, in all her beauty, standing on her very tippy toes with her arm stretched as far as it could possibly go, attempting to reach a bag of sugar from the top shelf. Being on the shorter side, I can tell she probably won’t be able to reach what she needs, but this is my chance to talk to her, so I go help her.

“Here, let me get that for you,” I say politely with a grin on my face. Reaching up with ease, I swipe the sugar she was reaching for and go to hand it to her. But as I make eye contact with her, I freeze. My confidence leaves my body in one big sweep as her ice blue eyes meet mine. She has such an enthralling gaze, I don’t know what to do with myself.

“Oh, uhm thank you..” she trails off. Crap, she recognizes me.

“Did you uh, get what I left you yesterday?” Oh no. Why would I ask that?! I should have just grabbed what I needed and walked away, but I can’t get out of this situation now.

“Oh! Yeah, I got it. I just uhm haven’t had time to look at it yet. I get off work so late that when I get home I just go straight to bed.”

“Okay! Awesome, well to save you some time I might as well ask you now... Would you like to go to dinner sometime?” As I ask her, she starts to fiddle with the hem of her shirt, I can tell she’s nervous. This isn’t good, she obviously isn’t interested.

“Yeah uhm about that… I was going to text you and tell you but…” she trails off, not really knowing what to say.

“Yeah?” I nervously choke out.

“I just… I kinda just got out of a really long relationship, and I still need some time to be me for awhile. I really hope you can understand. You’re super nice and I’m flattered, but now just isn’t really the right time for me.” Well this is disappointing. I really had my hopes up there for a second. How do I even respond to that?

“Oh… Okay. Well the offer still stands, if and when you’re ready, you have my number. Have a good day I guess!” I manage to awkwardly reply, then quickly shuffle away. I practically run to the register so that I can get out of here as fast as I can. I pay for my groceries and get into my car, realizing I had forgotten to buy the flour I needed, but I am too humiliated to go back inside. I’ll just have to go to another store to get it.

After going out of my way to get the flour I should have grabbed at the first store, I make my way home and begin my baking project. Being thoroughly depressed, I bake a pretty sad looking pie, and I know it probably tastes just as discouraging. Letting the pie cool, I decide to call it a night and go to bed, knowing full well I will need to go buy a new pie from the store tomorrow, but painfully aware that I can never go back into that beautiful girl’s store ever again.