Ok. This time I’ll do it. I’m not going to chicken out. I’m going to ask her out.  She’s usually alone for about 30 seconds when walking from her history to her English class. I am being really stalkerish. Shhhhhh. Be quiet, voices. She’s coming.

My heart pounded behind my eyes, causing tiny black dots waltz around the edges of my vision.

Does everyone get this nervous? People ask each other out all of the time. Why is it so hard?

My palms started to sweat as she approached. My books felt slippery in my arms. My stomach was trying to tie itself into tangled knots. I forced my stubborn feet to move from their rooted positions and walk toward her.

Gosh, she looks so pretty. Please say yes, please say yes. Please, I love you.

I walked toward my crush with slow, deliberate. I knew had only had a few seconds before my plan was to be put in motion. I took a deep breath. I decided that it was not a god idea to have had breakfast this morning. With my luck, it was going to just come up and I’d vomit all over her.

Ten seconds, nine seconds, eight seconds, seven, six, five.

She was getting closer. I put on my winning smile and forced my hand from its safe pocket into a tentative wave.

Four seconds, three seconds, two, one.

“Hi, Samantha!” I smiled cheerfully, hoping my voice didn’t give away my nerves.
“Hey, Alex,” she replied, somewhat less cheerfully.

Uh oh. Is she not happy? Maybe she doesn’t like me? Or maybe she’s in a bad mood? Should I abort the mission? No. I’m going to do this.

I pushed forward with the conversation, positioning my body so she couldn’t just brush by me.
“So, Samantha…”
“Yes?” She sounded curious and confused. I didn’t talk to her in the hall often. But I wasn’t going to give up.
“Would you maybe like… like to go out with me sometime? Or something?” My voice significantly dropped in volume and trailed off into more of a squeak at the end. I looked down at my feet, trying to hide my blush.
She didn’t respond right away. She left me there in silence. After I couldn’t stand it anymore, I tentatively lifted my gaze to hers.
And my heart then fell out of my chest and scattered into a million pieces. I’m surprised I didn’t hear the crash. But I guess the blood in my ears was too loud for me to hear much.
The look she gave me was one of absolute horror and disgust. She looked at me like I was something vile and disgusting that had been rubbed in her face. And I had even worn extra deodorant that morning! Tears budded in my eyes.
I finally understood the expression if looks could kill. And if looks could kill, then words could murder.
“I’m not a lesbo, unlike you apparently. Get out of my way, f-----t!” Her words were full of derision and disgust. She roughly shoved me to the side, scattering my books on the floor.

I was actually glad for the chance to bend over and spent time on the floor. It could hide my tears.