Forty years ago when we were both 14, I proposed to her on the cold day of September 14, 2015.  Standing out on a cold winter midnight, two 9th graders stood outside because of a stupid’s boy’s love call. I still remember that day. I still remember the feelings, ever so vivid. I still remember because I can't forget.

The snow was drifting slowly through the air as if the heavens understood my nervous heart and decided to lather me in its warmth. Slowly, snow piled around my feet. I sat on a bench in Lincoln Park with a lamppost flickering off and on. It seemed to mimic my heartbeat, jumping up and down waiting for my love to come. I was tapping my feet anxiously against the wet cement. Shivering, I looked for my first love.

Quietly, I recited my lines. I love you. I love you. I love you. Then, the silence was broken by the sound of breathing. I look up slowly and there she was. Her pristine face, her cheeks red from the blistering frost, her arms shivering because she hated the cold.

“Hey Leo! What’s up?” she asked.

Footsteps cracking the ice beneath my feet, I turned to her and said, “I’ve been thinking about this a long time. I love your smile, your laugh, and… you’re a goddess. ” The blizzard howled around us with ear-shattering shrieks of ice clashing against the ground. Words struggled to fill the air space.

“Alexa, please answer… Can you go out with me?” I asked once more.

She replied, “No,”  as sharp as a knife.

Taken aback, I struggled to reply, “W.. Wh… Why?”

“I just don’t like you, Leo. Sorry, but you’re not my type. Let’s just be friends.”

“Then why do you chat me?” I asked with naive ignorance.

“I chat all my friends. Just because I chat you DOES NOT mean I like you!” shouted Alexa in pure frustration. The wind whipped her hair, and I could smell her rose shampoo. The snow rested upon her rosy cheeks. Icy mist drifted out of her mouth, almost as if it were too vile to stay in her pristine heart. I wanted to inhale her every breath as if she was my oxygen.

“Austin said I had a chance.... So did all your best friends… Can’t you give me a chance?” I pleaded with tears in my eyes. My heart was tearing apart. My first love, now stands before me - colder than New York’s winter - rejecting my love.

The howling blizzard around us climbed up another decibel. It was shrieking with pain now. Or was it laughter? Were the fates laughing at the ill-fortune they placed upon my life? Or was that my soul screaming for Alexa to stay, to love me. Was I really that afraid of losing her? My heart continued to torture itself until my beautiful angel Alexa took me from the snatches of my doubtful soul.

“Look Leo…. You and I just don’t match each other. I want a funny guy .You’re always monotone and say, ‘Aha. That’s funny Alexa.’ What the heck is that?!! How would I like you Leo!” screamed Alexa.

Oh how cute she was when she got frustrated. I loved the way her cheeks puffed up and her eyes became misty. The way she stomped on the ground like a vexed child. How the snow around her seemed frightened by her childish tantrum.

She got a handful of snow and said, “To me, Leo, you are like this snow. My love is as nonexistent as the snow. Snow is like love where it comes suddenly and will eventually die. Forget me Leo and find someone else. Bye.” And, like the blizzard swirling around them, she vanished with the sheets of ice.

Vanished.

A knife had pierced my heart.
The blood stained the snow.

But I looked down and I see nothing.
I touch my heart and feel no injury.

But I do.

An injury worse than any physical wound.
I look around.

The snow stopped falling.
The lamp-post flickered off.

The snow seemed to melt.
The warmth faded from my body.

Because she deserted me.
Banishing me from her memory.

But I still remember her face. I still love her.
I still think about her.

She was my light.
She left me.

But I did not.
I’m now in the dark.

But I’m still looking for her.
Come back Alexa.

Please.