April 13th, 2016 (first day of school)
She felt lonely. She missed him, even though she didn't want him. He had become such a part of her that even she could see the bits and pieces he had left behind in herself. It was a reminder. And everywhere she looked, she saw him. Details appeared like they hadn't before and everything she saw, reminded her of him.
She didn't know if she could do it. Facing him. But that's not what it could be called. Because they never looked at each other during that time. It was as if they were afraid. Or at least she was. She was afraid that if she got too close, she would get hurt again. Because that's what he had done. He had hurt her over and over again. And last she knew, he had told her he didn't care. As hard as it was, she had to hold a grudge. If she didn't, she would keep her guard down and she would fall again.
However, she would try to move past it. But she also knew they would have to eventually talk. That frightened her. Once they talked she wouldn't want to stop. That's what would happen to her before. And that's what happens to her now. Even when she is hurt, she wants to talk to him. Not every day, not every second, but she just wants to know how he's doing. Not that she expects an honest answer but she would have taken the chance anyway, to ask.
She is nervous and anxious. When she sees him by himself shes tempted and saddened. She feels bad for him even when she shouldn't. She should wish that for him, to feel like she did, but she does not. She wants him happy, as long as that happiness doesn't hurt her (again). Therefore, when she sees him alone she wants to accompany him and also take the chance to simply talk. But things cannot go back to that. She must focus on herself before she tries to help other. Before she tries to help him. Because even with her best intentions he probably won't care. He will make her feel bad again. He will make her feel miserable, undesired and unappreciated.

(night)

She felt like a burden sometimes. When things were new it felt alright to be needy. When it was all crazy it felt acceptable and encouraged. But now, things are settling, and she still doesn't feel alright. Now she carries herself through the hallways wishing she could talk to her friends. Yet she hears a voice in her head now and then, a voice that tells her she would be being annoying, stupid and needy by talking to her friends about her problems. She sensed a feeling of disinterest from her friends. She knew some meant for the better and wanted to help because they were friends but she also felt they rather not. She went on with her day and talked very little about her suffering. Proceeded to unravel herself at home. She layed in bed all afternoon, debating with herself of her desires and thoughts. She wasted the afternoon on thoughts, while she attempted to distract herself with movies.

She sits in her chair crying instead of going to sleep. Asking herself “what am I gonna do?”