"Thank you," I told the cashier at the counter. I grabbed my purchase and headed outside to a bus stop. A man walked up and stood next to me, obviously waiting for the same bus. I glanced over to look at him and suddenly froze.

I had always referred to myself as awesome. I used it as a coping mechanism if I failed at some thing, "It didn't work because my awesomeness broke it." I used it as a compliment to myself when I did succeed, "It worked because I'm awesome." I used it when my friends said they missed me, "How could you not miss something this awesome?"

Overall, anyone that knew me personally or just vaguely, automatically associated the word "awesome" with me. It might have something to do with the fact that I also use the word awesome to describe anything positive.

I stood there frozen because I realized that the man standing next to me was the guy I had admired from afar for many years. Even my level of awesomeness hadn't given me enough courage to do anything about it. He was constantly described in my conversations with friends as Pure Awesome. Cute hair, cute eyes, cute skin, cute butt. He could be described as perfect or god like.

He was my one weakness.

I stood there next to him for a while, trying to muster up the ability to say hi. To say anything. Even the thought of it though, sent my heart into my throat and made my stomach tie in an unbreakable knot. Speaking to him was not in my glossary of skills.

He made me angry. I was awesome at everything. I shouldn't have a weakness, and it really shouldn't be as obvious as it was whenever I was near him. My legs went numb, my mind went blank, and I often forgot to breathe. That was the reason I preferred to admire from afar.

I opened my mouth to finally say something. "Smuna pla ca oh sue la," I rambled. Oh no.

He stared at me oddly before he recognized me, we went to school together. "Hi!" He smiled enthusiastically, as if he hadn't heard my major fumble. He put his hand on the back of his neck as if he was about to say something he wasn't sure to how to say, "This is kind of- Would you like to see a movie sometime?"

"Yes!" I yelled. He stumbled back, taken aback by my sudden outburst.

The bus arrived and he got on. As it drove away I rejoiced internally at this awesome outcome.

Then I realized that I just missed the bus.