I watched the new kid from the corner of my eye. He was 5’7, Hispanic, and had short hair. His name was Enrico and he had soft lips. He was wearing a white shirt with a rainbow bowtie. Over that he wore baby blue suspenders that were obviously too big for him because they didn’t stay on his chest. His jeans were tight and yellow with red polka dots splotched on them. His shoes, his shoes were the worst part! They were pink! They were pink high top converse. They were the same exact ones I saw on “Project Runaway” that Henry wore with an azure blue cowl neck t-shirt and super duper skinny jeans that made his a** look like two squirrels wrestling in a pillow case.

“Hey,” I heard someone say.

I turned and looked at my girlfriend, who had a smile playing on her lips. We had been dating for 2 months now. Before that, I had one or two girlfriends and my best friend Adam said I should get a gal so I don’t look like a Bungie Boy. I then noticed Michelle looking at me a few times and I asked her out, and whoop dee doo, we were dating.

“Does someone have a little man crush,” she said loudly. All of a sudden, my friends who were arguing about some stupid football game turned towards me and started to laugh. My heart began to race excitedly even though I knew I wasn’t a gay and I smiled and said something along the lines of “screw you.”

“Do pages 7 through 16,” my teacher said. I copied my homework in my planner and got up. “Jake,” I turned around and saw Enrico looking at me with his big brown eyes. “Can you help me with problem 10 page 7?” he asked. I felt my stomach go in knots and I assume I nodded my head because we were both walking together towards the commons.

“So how do you like the school?” I asked Enrico.

“The academics are good,” he said, “but everyone treats me differently because I’m gay.”

A chill went down my spine and I felt myself go stiff all over. I had never heard a person admit to being gay. I mean who would want to admit to being a freak? A freak that enjoys kissing other guys and doesn’t find girls hot is just sick. I looked at him and he was looking at me with his chocolate eyes and moist pin-

“Jake,” he said, “do you feel uncomfortable around me because I’m gay?”

“Ah.” I fumbled for words and said, “No, but others might if you keep dressing the way you do. I mean why not be normal? You have choices here; you can either be the kid that’s considered a freak or just blend in with everyone else, which isn’t too bad,” I said.

Enrico looked at me and smiled, “We always have choices, the choices we make are the ones which reflect who we are at heart and how we want to be viewed by others.”

We walked in silence to the commons. We took out our homework and I showed him how to use the product rule and we applied it to problems 10 through 15. I then elaborated on what our math teacher was telling us towards the end of class about the Quotient rule.

“The quotient rule is used to find a functions derivative that is the quotient of two other functions for which derivatives exist.”

I stopped talking and looked at Enrico to see if he understood what I was saying. He looked at me and nodded his head. He then asked me to close my eyes. I stared at him and a part of me felt warm inside and I closed my eyes. I felt something wet and moist crash on my lips and I kissed back at it in unison and I felt the butterflies in my stomach go away and I just closed my eyes and kissed Enrico.

I then heard a gasp and saw Michelle gaping at us.

“Michelle,” I said with surprise.

I quickly got up and ran after Michelle leaving Enrico. But she had gone inside a classroom. I went back to the commons and I saw Enrico looking at me with his ugly brown eyes and he said, “Don’t worry everything will be all right.”

I stared at Enrico intensely, “Everything’s gonna be all right! No, it’s not gonna be alright! I’m gonna be labeled as a f****t and I will be a freak just like you!”

I stormed off in a rage not looking back at Enrico fearing if I did I would cry. I went home and thought about how the next day of school would be horrible. People would be taunting me and calling me all kind of names. I would probably get kicked off the football team and my dad would hear and he would beat me senseless like he did when I was 12 and I told him I thought I liked guys.

I was doing homework when I got a call. I looked at my phone and the caller id was Michelle. I slowly picked up my phone dreading what was going to happen next.

“Michelle.” I said.

“Look I don’t care that you’re gay,” She said. “But I do care what will happen to my status if everyone finds out I dated a q***r.”

Those words stabbed me like a cold knife and I went numb all over.

“Jake, Jake are you there!” she asked.

“Yes, yes I’m here.” I responded.

“This is what you’re going to do, at lunch tomorrow you’re going to make fun of Enrico for being gay and you’re going to beat him up a bit. If you don’t do that I’ll tell everyone how I saw you and him kissing.”

My heart stopped and I heard something crash on the floor. If everyone found out I was gay my life would be done. My dad wouldn’t talk to me, my friends would make fun of me, and I would get kicked off the football team because people would think I liked being on top of other guys. The only person that would have the decency to help me with my illness would be my mom who would try to get the devil out of me.

I mean, I have choices here. I don’t have to be gay. My mom could get the devil out of me and, and, I would be straight! I mean Enrico is an idiot for accepting that this is the only way to live! This is all his fault! He brought this down on himself! I then came to my senses and heard Michelle screaming my name through the phone.

“Jake, Ja-.”

“I’ll do it.” I said in a voice alien to my own. , “I’ll do it.”

“Bye Jake.” she said.

The next day at school when I walked down the hallway I felt heavy inside and whenever someone smiled at me I got scared that they were taunting me even though I knew Michelle hadn’t told anyone. I didn’t see Enrico for the first two periods of the day nor did I look for him. And then, lunch came. I walked towards the cafeteria which seemed like an hour and I sat down with my friends and we exchanged smiles and our “dudes”, “that chick” and what not. And believe it or not I felt okay and we talked about football a bit until out of the corner of my eye I saw some flamboyant kid sit down alone.

My leg began to tremble profusely and I felt like I couldn’t do it. I then felt Michelle’s warm hand on my shoulder and I turned to her and she nodded her head sympathetically. I got up slowly feeling weighed down by the heaviness in me and each step towards Enrico’s table was a kick in the balls.

I then stood in front of the gay boy and said, “Why’d you do it.” Enrico smiled, looked around and put his finger to his lips, “Shhh, not so loud, we’ll get caught.”

I suddenly felt angry. He thought I liked it! He thought I liked a being a freak! Suddenly in a rage, hatred spewed out my mouth and all I heard myself say were the words, freak, f****t and NO. A look of shock replaced Enrico’s ugly smile and I felt myself becoming more enraged at the fact that he thinks I! Jake, the best football player in the school, is a queer!

People all around me joined the taunting and Enrico’s soft lips started to quiver like a seizure and a yellow stain spread out from his crotch. He started to mutter the word why over and over but my mob and I relentlessly bullied him. He then tried to touch my shoulder and I screamed and punched him in the face. His nose was bloody and I realized what I had done. I had just punched the only person that ever understood me and got what it felt to be like an outsider.

I then looked at his bruised lip and bloody face and wanted to hug him. I stood there frozen as a statue and out the corner of my eyes I saw people look at me and I think I heard people ask if I was alright and then suddenly Michelle went over to Enrico and kicked him in the leg which is when Enrico got up and ran away. I looked at Michelle and a smile played across her lips and everyone went over to me and congratulated me.

The rest of the day was a blur of congratulations and smiles. I constantly thought of Enrico’s transition from a smile to a look of pure horror. I didn’t get in trouble because no one told on me and my school didn’t care for gay people too much. I then cheered myself up a bit and told myself how I didn’t have a choice, I mean it was either me or him. I went home and I slept.

The next day I went to school and a part of me wanted to see him. I didn’t see him in math class. I didn’t see him in English and I didn’t see him at lunch. People were still giving me props for giving it to Enrico and whenever they did I felt like throwing up and breaking their skulls. I gave up looking for Enrico and went to the Auditorium. My principal got on stage and I noticed he looked forlorn. He then leaned into the microphone and said, “I have some unfortunate news. Our new student Enrico committed suicide last night. He jumped off the Madison Bridge and drowned.”

I smiled a bit because I knew I couldn’t have heard what I had just heard. It was then that I looked around and saw my classmates. Some of them were crying and others were trying to hold back tears. I then felt myself go numb and found it hard to breathe. We were then dismissed from the auditorium and I kept thinking about what Enrico had told me about choices. He had said that the choices we make are the ones that reflect who we are at heart or how we want to be viewed by others.

I then realized I had a choice. I could have made the choice to be friends with Enrico and forget about my stupid sexist friends who weren’t even friends, but I didn’t. I violated the relationship Enrico and I had and pushed him to the edge! And I knew as long as I lived in Madison I would never ever meet a person who understood me as Enrico did.