I call him the devil cause he makes me wanna sin;
And every time he knocks, I can't help but let him in.

There weren't any words to describe him, except for majestic.

The word was stuck on my tongue, wandering hopelessly in my mind. He was like an ancient artifact on display in a museum. He was so delicate, so worthwhile yet so naked with vulnerability. Eyes were constantly watching him; mouths were constantly speaking of him; ears were always listening about him.

It was an endless cycle, and I had realized that. I had observed that about him. I couldn't help but stare when I get the chance. My eyes were drawn to his olive complexion, his hazel eyes, and the black ink scarred into his skin.

For the past month, I woke up to the same view every morning. His eyelids would be shut tight and his mouth slightly open. A calm, hushed snore would escape every now and then. I'd stare at his complex jaw and cheeks and hold my breath from his beauty. He'd leave me in awe every single time.

This morning was different. I awoke to a warm hand rubbing my arm softly. I opened my eyes slowly and shut them back tight when the sunlight hit my face. There was a chuckle beside me and a pair of lips behind my ear.

“Good mornin',” He whispered, his voice low and hoarse.

I attempted to open my eyes again and got a good look at him. His hazel eyes were big and loving yet his smirk was playful and lustful. “Morning,” I responded and moved in closer to him.

We stayed in each others arms in silence; our warmth being exchanged with every breath exhaled. It was a slight comfort to be in his presence. It didn't give me butterflies in my stomach, it only gave me a sickening churning in my insides. The feeling was so uncomfortable but I was begging for more every time.

“You know what I've been thinking?” I whispered to him. He hummed, his eyes were closed. “This is my last year of being a teenager. Sometimes I just wish I could be nineteen forever, ya know?”

His eyes opened and his stare was intense. “Sooner or later we're all gonna die anyway, so why not beat life to it, 'eh?”

I bit my lip and moved closer into his chest, looking up at his sad hazel eyes. It was one thing I learned about him: he had an unhappy soul that he fed with countless cigarettes and cheap beers.

“You met me a strange time in my life, Blake Ryan,” I began to speak softly. “And that person you met would agree with you, but I must argue against your words.”

He smirked and his lips were then close to mine. “Argue all you want, love, but I always win.”

His lips met mine and I was infatuated. The kiss was enchanted yet so intensified with lust. I felt his soft lips leave mine and trail down toward my neck. I moaned, “No, Blake.”

It was so wrong, I knew it. I was so foolish to let it get to this point, but I wanted it all so bad. I wanted something I couldn't have and I still got it in the end.

His hands moved under my t-shirt and soon it was off. I was immediately exposed to my luscious satan. His lustful eyes poured into mine; hungry for more, they trailed down to peek at the rest of my body. In a swift movement, his lips were on mine again.

We were skin on skin by then, taking in each other as much as possible. All the lust to be released and all the love lost in it all. It was so right yet so wrong.

It had all started on a dark night after a lost battle with my love. I was fed up with him and anyone around. My world was collapsing at the touch of my fingertips. I hadn't had any auditions, my ballet practices were weak and slowly coming to an end, and I was looked down upon by others in shame and shock. At the moment, I could no longer take the relationship that I was in, the promise of love that I had devoted myself into.

So I ran away, because that was what my willpower led me to do. Then I found myself chugging down bottles of beer and occasional whiskey shots. Hazel Eyes finally showed up and whisked me away into his life of loneliness and lust. He paid for the rest of my drinks and then took my hand. I ran again, but this time it was with him.

We ran so fast and so far away, I wasn't sure where we were going. He pulled me to a small apartment under a townhouse and knocked on the door twice in a swift pattern. The door unlocked and we were greeted by a short, bearded and young looking white man.

Blake pulled me inside, where it was foggy and my lungs were polluted with the smell of weed. There was a crowd in the small living room, their laughter roared and echoed among the walls. We joined them and I reached the brink to my greatest high. With what felt like moments, Blake had dragged me away and we disappeared into a corner and then into a garden outside.

The gates were decorated with white christmas lights, almost blinding my eyes. Near the back were two tall trees and then a willow tree right beside them. Blake's hand was warm within mine and he guided me to the willow. We sat below it and I watched him quietly as he lit a joint.

“The guy who lives upstairs,” He began to speak after taking a drag, “Is a fired policeman. I heard he did something brutal, but nothing that includes -cide at the end of the word. Now he fuckin’ Arnold's nineteen year old sister. The guy is, like, forty something.”

I stayed quiet and watched him suck in his cheeks and puff them out. “It's pretty sickening that it was either get the girl or evict Arnold,” He continued. “Poor kid didn't want to be homeless so he has to hear his sisters moans and shouts every other night.”

“The world is a messed up place,” I finally said, speaking a hushed whisper.

He looked over to me and handed me the joint. “And we can't do anything ‘bout it, babe. What a misfortune.”

I took two or three drags and handed it back to him. My head was numb and I felt light as a feather. I had never felt so good before. I wanted to be feel this way forever. “So what force dragged us back together this time?” He asked me. I felt his warm breath on my neck.

I looked at him and gave a lopsided smile. “All the same reasons as before.” We looked at each other briefly before he kissed me roughly. I became intrigued and kissed him back, feeling an urge for more. I stopped myself and pulled away, “I'm going to tell you something.”

“What is it?” His cupped my cheek and I felt the blood rush to my face.

“Seduce my mind,” I began, moving to straddle his lap, “And you can have my body. But if you find my soul, I'm all yours.”

He smirked and pulled me lower into him. “That's a promise I'm willing to keep.”

“Wanna know something Ryan?” I shouted out to Blake, who was carrying his bike up the stairs to the rooftop.

We had managed to get to one of Arnold's friend's apartment and wanted a peek at her “marvelous rooftop” everyone and anyone so happened to love. She'd given us a bottle of vodka in order to “quicken the fun” and sneaked a condom into Blake's pocket to “protect the heightened fun.”

I ran ahead of Blake, putting down my bike as I reached the top. I stared at the city lights, amazed at how beautiful my home really was. Unfortunately, it didn't feel like home. I felt like an outcast, somebody who is lost in shadows and unsure of where to go.

“Amuse me, Suarez,” I heard Blake say as he panted out of breath.

I giggled and turned around to face him. “How are you out of breath? You can hold a high note for like a whole minute!”

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Yeah, while I'm standing still, not walking up five flights of stairs.”

I giggled again and turned back around, walking closer to the ledge. I continued to watch the city go by below me. The amazement didn't leave my system. “A year ago today,” I began to say, “I tried to take my own life.”

I heard him walk closer to me and he was then beside me, staring down at the busy streets. “Is that so?”

I nodded. “Yeah, afraid so,” I looked up at him. “I was so unhappy and so foolish.”

“And so what are you now?” He asked me quietly, his hazel eyes staring at me.

I stayed silent, his question echoing in my mind. I wanted to say I was neither, but that would be a lie. It wasn't that I was unhappy, I felt so much happiness within me. But I wasn't satisfied. My happiness was not reaching its full potential and neither was I. Everything I was doing was foolish and impulsive; I was an impulsive, young fool.

I looked into his eyes and shrugged. “I don't know, honestly.”

He leaned in close to me, his lips by my ear. I shivered from his breath and held onto him. He wrapped his arm around my waist, “I can help you figure that out.”

And then, our lust had escaped once again. My goosebumps rose and relieved sighs grew louder. I was on another high, shot up into a parallel universe that was difficult to escape from. It felt like there was no turning back; there was already damage done and couldn't be repaired.