Not Him, But Her | Teen Ink

Not Him, But Her

May 24, 2014
By awesomealana BRONZE, Newton, Massachusetts
awesomealana BRONZE, Newton, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
You were happy before and you'll be happy again.


Even though we were both in great physical condition, we soon grew tired of jumping on the trampoline. I suggested we go inside and get a drink, but he made it clear he wanted to stay out.

"I can't jump any more. It honestly feels like my legs aren't working" I said, partially limping towards the opening of the net surrounding the trampoline.

"We don't have to jump. We can just lay here, you know, look up at the trees and stuff. You said you do that sometimes." He replied, beginning to lie down.

I thought about it for a second, and then plopped down beside him. "Ok, you win" I said. I was actually quite relieved that I wouldn't have to move. I really was exhausted.

We sat in silence for a moment, just listening to the birds and the shouts from kids across the street at the park. I knew it was going to get real awkward, real fast. I sensed he did too.

"How was your day?" We said in unison. It was our go-to question when we were trying to get a conversation going. It felt a little unnatural asking it, but it was better than nothing.

I decided to answer first. "Well the fact that it's a 3 day weekend put me in a good mood. Nothing else really happened today, I woke up at 12 so that was good." Why did I have to say "so that was good"? I always did that. It just sounded like my social skills sucked. I mean they kinda did, especially when I was in his presence.

He looked over to me. "My day started off okay, but seeing you made it about 100 times better." I could feel my face turning bright red. I sat up and untucked my hair from behind my ears in an effort to hide my scarlet complexion. He sat up too, facing me. He reached up and positioned my hair so it was behind my back and no longer covering my face. Or my shoulders. I have always hated my shoulders, and I instinctively tried to cover them with hair. He stopped me.
"What are you doing? You look beautiful with your hair pulled back."
I knew my face was turning every shade of red that existed, and I started to stare at my lap. He lifted up my chin so I was looking him in the eyes. This can't be happening, I thought. He is going to kiss me. I've wanted him to kiss me for so long.

But something didn't feel right. I mean I've never kissed anyone before, so I was probably just nervous. He started to lean in towards me. Something told me to lean in too. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. He sensed my reluctance.

"Is there anything wrong?" He asked me, pulling away. "I'm sorry, that was a little sudden. I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's ok," I said. "It's all ok." I took a breath. It was weird. I felt so much more comfortable with her. I've wanted to kiss him for a long time, but I've wanted to kiss her for longer. "It's just that…"

"What?"

"I don't know." I did know. I liked her more than him. Did I even like him in the first place or was I just trying to deny my real feelings? That I didn't know.

"Well if you figure it out you can always tell me." Should I tell him? Can I really trust him? I hope I can, because I'm about to tell him my biggest secret.

"Remember how you said that one of my friends always says she loves me?"

"Yeah? And?"

"She actually does."

Awkward pause. Oh no.

He spoke quickly and a bit softer. "Girls always say that about each other. It doesn't mean anything." I noticed he was tensing up a little.

"No, you don't understand. She actually loves me. Romantically." I paused. "And I love her too." Oh my god. Did I actually just tell him this? Only my closest friends knew about my crush on her.

"Oh." He looked away fro a second, then back at me. "I thought you liked me. You even told me you liked me a little while ago."
"I know. I did like you, but I guess that feeling went away. I'm sorry about this."
"It's ok."
"We cool?"
"I suppose. Just one question though,"
"Yes?"
"Do you wanna play Mario Cart? I'm totally gonna beat you at it."
"Sure!" I said, laughing. "Race you inside!"
We were still best friends. And that was all I wanted.



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