The wind blew through Sano’s hair, drowning the sound of the flowers and twigs crunching under his shoes. Sweat trickled down the side of his head; he had been running for a while now.

“I’m sorry Sano,” Takumi’s voice replayed in his head. “I can’t live a life like this.”

Sano finally slowed to a halt at the base of a tall hill. He rested his hands on his knees. Panting, he looked up at the top. “Takumi!” he yelled loudly.

The figure standing there didn’t move, his arms hang loosely by his sides. He still had the black and white wedding kimono on. He was looking into the distance as if nothing else in the world existed but him.

“Takumi,” Sano called again, not as loud this time. He slowly started up the hill.
Takumi still did not move the slightest bit, but he listened attentively to the footsteps climbing towards him. They sounded so familiar, these steps that Sano always took to reach him. They were always comforting, from the time they were little up to this moment.

“What are you thinking, Takumi?” Sano’s voice was near, just behind him. “Hey, big head!” Sano pulled Takumi by the shoulder to face him.

‘Big head.’ Sano had called Takumi this since they were seven. Takumi was always calculating everything, planning every step of their tricks and pranks. Perhaps that was why they were hardly ever caught in their mischievous schemes. This nickname was just as familiar as the steps that Sano always took to reach him when he was troubled.

Takumi looked down and to his left. “Tell your cousin that I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“You can’t do this to Mineko! She’ll never forgive you!” Sano exclaimed.

“I don’t expect to be forgiven.” Takumi kept his eyes on the grass. The sun was starting to set and the fresh blue of the sky was starting to transition into a yellow-orange. The wedding was supposed to happen at noon when the sun was highest in the sun so the couple would have brightness throughout their lives, but instead he was here with Sano.

Sano sighed. He sat down on the ground, crisscrossing his legs, his arms in front of him, picking at the blades of grass. “Look, I know it’s going to be hard moving so far away, but you’ll have Mineko, and you guys can start a family. You’ll have all you need,” Sano’s voice became quieter as he spoke. He tugged at the weeds, not wanting his voice to break. He was going to lose the person he had been with all his life. It was a hard time for him, too.

Takumi placed himself next to Sano in the same position. They always had this habit, sitting together in the same position. “I don’t love Mineko,” he confessed, his head down in shame.

Sano turned to him. “What…do you mean?” he asked, not sure of how to react.

“Sano, I never loved Mineko,” Takumi peered at him. Their eyes were locked. “She is very important to me, but…I don’t…love her.”

Sano looked away and pushed himself to his feet. “You don’t understand.” His back was now to Takumi. Takumi kept his gaze on Sano’s back. “You have to do this.”

Takumi raised himself to stand behind Sano. He rested his hand gently on Sano’s shoulder and Sano flinched at his touch. “Would you be able to do it?” he asked.

“Yes,” Sano said, almost in a whisper. “I’d have to. It’s the only way.”

Takumi felt a pang in his heart. “Sano, I—”

“Stop,” Sano interrupted. He moved away from Takumi’s touch. “You’ve been with Mineko for all these years. You can’t back out now. You will scar her. And it’s…it’s the only way to end this.”

“I thought,” Takumi paused, “I thought that if I was with your cousin, maybe I would know what it really felt like to be with you.”

As Takumi reached his hand out to Sano’s, Sano clenched his jaws. This time he didn’t flinch or move away. He let Takumi take a hold of his hand, and he held it tight in return. Takumi’s vision became blurry, and he closed his eyes, his chin quivering with the saltiness of his tears crawling into his mouth. He was glad he was standing behind Sano.

Sano held Takumi’s hand, but he said, “You will break Mineko’s heart.” He stared into the distance, his vision was starting to blur as well.

Takumi lifted his head to face Sano’s back. “What about my heart?” he questioned quietly.

Sano gripped his hand tighter. He closed his eyes, sending a stream of tears to flow. “Our hearts are forbidden.”

Takumi spun Sano around to face him. He cupped his face in his hands. Sano kept his head down and his eyes closed. He couldn’t bare to look at Takumi as Takumi brushed away his tears. “Tell me that you don’t love me then,” he said, his lips shaking. Sano didn’t reply. “Say it,” he demanded.
Sano shook his head and fell to his knees, his hands over his face. He hated this. He hated the bitterness from his tears, the sight of Takumi’s and the dark shadows over their hearts. Takumi knelt in front of him and pulled him into an embrace. This only hurt Sano more, because he knew it was wrong, yet he loved it so much to be in the arms of his childhood friend who shared more than common hobbies. Takumi pulled Sano out of arms and wiped his tears away once again. Takumi, by now, had stopped crying. He looked Sano in the eyes. “I love you,” he said.
“Takumi—” Sano began.
Takumi closed Sano’s mouth with his. He didn’t want to hear Sano’s oppositions. Despite Sano’s best judgment, he pulled Takumi closer, into a deeper kiss. The kisses they shared were unlike any they ever experienced with any girl. These small moments of bliss occurred in the shadows when no one was aware, or in their bedrooms where their parents believed them to see each other as a boy should see another boy. Their favorite place was behind the big cherry blossom tree in Takumi’s backyard by his mother’s garden. Its branches always hung over the fence that separated Takumi’s yard form Sano’s. The tree’s large body was enough to hide them and its long branches overshadowed what they really felt for each other.
Sano pulled away, his arms caressing Takumi by the waist. “I love you, too,” he responded, almost breathless.
Takumi pulled Sano into a kiss again, then into a hug and they stayed that way for as long as they could.
Their shoes tapped on the cement under them as they walked. They held each other’s hands tighter than ever. They stood a couple feet away from the ceremony, hidden by a sakura tree in full bloom.
Sano squeezed Takumi’s hand. “Are you ready?”
Takumi looked to Sano, then back at the wedding. “Yeah,” he answered.
Sano lifted Takumi’s hand up to his mouth and gently laid his lips on it. He closed his eyes and put his cheek on the back of Takumi’s hand. “In the next life I will be born a girl and I will definitely steal your heart again,” he declared with a smile on his face.
Takumi laughed. He cupped Sano’s face. He had the gentlest smile Sano had ever seen. “My heart is always yours.”
He looked back at the ceremony, taking a breath. He took a few steps forward, then turned back to Sano. They held eye contact for a few seconds until Takumi turned back to the life that was set for him. This was the only way for them to end this love that they were not permitted to have, the only way to keep the apart.
“Wait.” Sano pulled Takumi back into his arms, tasting his lips one last time. Through it they declared their love for each other once and for all.
They gazed into each other’s eyes, yearning for each other. In this gaze, it seemed almost as if they were remembering every moment that they ever shared together from their childhood to now, every tear, every frown, every laugh, every kiss. Sano broke the eye contact, looking to his feet. Takumi squeezed his hand as he turned his feet in the other direction. He took a step away from Sano and they both grit their teeth, holding back the tears. The sound of Takumi’s feet was like a knife to their hearts. Sano couldn’t help it but think that this time it wasn’t like the others. Takumi wasn’t running back into the house because his mother was calling him. They didn’t have a secret time to meet later. This time he was going to be gone forever. He was walking into another house, a house where he will exist as husband and Mineko as wife.
Takumi’s hand slowly slipped out of Sano’s and Sano held on tighter as each of his fingers slipped away. Finally only Takumi’s index finger was in Sano’s grasp and he stared longingly at Takumi’s back. Takumi kept his head down, unable to look at Sano. Sano held onto him tighter than he ever gripped onto anything in his whole life. Takumi was the one thing that he ever truly wanted.
As a tear fell from Takumi’s eye, he pulled away, cutting complete physical contact from Sano. They were both blinded from the sorrow flowing through their eyes. Takumi’s legs moved slowly as he exhaled and closed his eyes, trying to swallow his pain. He knew Sano was crying, and he wanted so much to wipe away those tears again, but he couldn’t look back. He was afraid he’d never be able to leave if he saw Sano again. Without a single glance back or a slight moment of hesitation, Takumi walked out of Sano’s life, and they became truly separated.