Safety net: something that provides a margin of protection or security. He in many ways was my safety net. In his arms I felt safe. As long as he was near, nothing else mattered, it was just us, no danger in the world, and nothing could harm us.



We met freshman year of high school, and had been inseparable ever since. We were two different people from two different cliques. He was the star football player, with gorgeous, memorizing muddy brown eyes, and curly out of control brown hair. Everyone knew him, talked to him, and loved him. He was the kind of boy that every girl fell in love with.



I on the other hand, was completely the opposite. Shy, short, blonde hair and gray-blue eyes that reminded people of a rainy sky is how many described me. I only associated with a small group of friends and didn’t really talk to anyone else. Very few people knew my name, and I was awkward at times. That didn’t matter to him, he loved me anyway.



He was always there for me. I knew I could always count on him. He was there for me through my parents’ divorce, my sister moving away, and my grandfather passing away. He was my rock, and then he left.



I still remember the day he left. With him gone I felt like a tight roper walking across, trying not to fall, except that if I did fall, there was no safety net under me. It was just the ground, and if I fell, I would die.



The sun was setting and the sky was a golden, caramel color. It had been 90 degrees early in the day. But now it was a cool 60 degrees with a slight wind. We were parked up on a hill overlooking the beach. The reflection of the sun bounced off the water, and the wind picked up as the waves crashed on the shore.



This moment, was my favorite part of the day. We were lying on the hood of his truck. His right arm was around my waist and his other arm was behind his head. My head rested gently on his chest. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, smelling the salty ocean air. His heartbeat, that I’ve heard so many times, was my lullaby. I opened my eyes to see his muddy brown eyes staring at me.



It was a good two hour drive back home. We’d taken this trip so many times. I eventually fell asleep as the radio played softly in the background. I opened my eyes for a few seconds, long enough to say one last “I love you.” After that, everything was black.



I awoke, the next morning in a hospital room. I heard beeping from machines, and nurses tip-toeing ever so quietly down the hall. My parents were sitting next to my bed.



“What happened?” I asked.



“A drunk driver ran a red light and hit Nate’s truck.” My father replied.

With those few words, I knew something was wrong.



“He didn’t make it sweetheart.” My mother said in a soft voice as her eyes filled with tears.

I broke into tears. My safety net was gone.



Safety net: something that provides a margin of protection or security. Without my safety net, I was lost.



It had been three days since the accident. I was preparing for Nate’s funeral when I heard a knock at my door. Ashley, my best friend came into my room without saying a word. I looked up from my mirror to see her. Her auburn hair was curled, her bright blue eyes were covered with the smallest hint of a light, brown eye shadow and her eyelashes were curled and coated in brown mascara. She wore her lips bare, which was unusual for her. You could tell she was also trying not to break down.



“How you holding up?” she asked.



“Fine.” I said.

I’d known Ashley my whole life. She knew everything about me; she could even tell when I was lying. She has been with me through everything, even the rough patches Nate and I had. She noticed the pictures of Nate and I at the beach last summer that were hanging on my mirror. Looking at that picture I wish I could go back to that day, when he was still alive, happy, and most importantly in my arms.



I wore my hair in a ponytail because that was how he liked it. I wore a black dress with lace sleeves, and hot pink shoes. He would have laughed at me for this. These next few hours were going to be the hardest of my life. How do you tell the one you love goodbye? How would I move on? All these questions filled my head as we left for the church on 4th Street.



When we arrived I felt everyone’s eyes on me. The whole church was filled. People from school that barley knew Nate were there. Our teachers, his family, and my family all sat up front. His parents already had tears running down their faces. His mom, Miranda, came and gave me a quick hug before going to sit down again. I knew when I looked at them that I would tear up too.



I blamed myself for his death. If we hadn’t gone on that stupid trip, the trip I begged him to take me on, he would still be here. Maybe if we hadn’t stopped on the way there to buy a snack, we would have left earlier and not crossed paths with the drunk driver.



The funeral lasted about an hour, and then we headed to the burial site. Everyone said their goodbyes and headed out. I felt Ashley wrap her arms around my waist, and lay her head on my shoulder. This was her way of telling me she’d be there for me. That one small action meant more words then I knew.



“I’ll give you a few minutes alone.” She said as she let go of me, she squeezed my hand ever so gently as she walked away.



I stood there, staring at the ground. I didn’t know what to say, or what to do. In a way I hated him for leaving me here, alone. I couldn’t stay mad at him however, because I loved him too much.



“I’m going to miss you more than you know.” I whispered to the air.

I rested my hand on the casket and said my goodbyes. As I was turning to leave a butterfly landed on the casket. My favorite thing in the world was butterflies; he knew this. In that moment I knew that this was a sign. He was in heaven watching over me, telling me it was all going to be ok, and that he loved me too.