Lost and Found

“Being your friend was a choice, loving you I had no control over” Those were the exact words he told me on our one-year anniversary; the year before I lost him. I never imagined that I could love someone so much, but when I saw him lying dead on the hospital bed, I knew I had just lost a part of me that I could never get back. A part of me that would always be lost.

After 15 minutes of staring at him in disbelief, I finally walked over to the table next to his bed and set down a dozen pink roses. That’s what he had given to me on my second day at my new school in California. Thinking back to before I moved to California made me ball my eyes out. Life was hard back in Oregon, but it was also where I didn’t have anything or anyone to lose. I hadn’t met Jake yet so there was no chance of anyone breaking my heart. I was actually really excited the first time my dad told me that we were moving to California due to his job transfer two years ago. I remember every word of that conversation.

“Honey, I have some really exciting news,” he said walking up to me and putting his hand on my shoulder.

“Ok, what is it?” I asked in a nervous but excited voice. I couldn’t think of what could be so exciting, because nothing really exciting usually happened to my family.

“Today I was told that I’m being transferred to California for my lab jobs,” he said with a bright smile on his face, “which means were moving to California!”

“Really! I can’t believe it, I’m so happy for you,” I said wrapping my arms around him.

Thinking back to it I remember how excited and anxious I was to move, but now standing here I wish I never had. I couldn’t get myself to step away from the bed, so I decided to just stand there until I was ready to move.

When an hour had finally passed I made myself leave, for I knew I would never be ready to move. I walked out of the room and into the hallway to say my goodbyes to his family.

“Sorry for your lost. Jake was an amazing guy,” I said to his mom trying to hold in my tears.

“Thanks, I know he’s in a better place now. Even though he didn’t win the battle against cancer, I know he couldn’t have died any happier. He told me that you were his true love and he told me to give you this note,” his mom said holding a note in her hand. I reached for the note and said goodbye.

After a forty-five minute drive from the hospital I arrived home. I got undressed and put on my pajamas. I looked around my new house; this is where we were supposed to live together and raise our kids. Every thought in my head was about Jake. I decided to make a cup of tea and lay in my bed to read the note he had written before he passed. I sat there, my hands shaking as I slowly unwrapped the note. I expected to see at least a whole page written, instead there was only three sentences. It said:

To my true love,

My life has been amazing since the day I met you. I want you to find someone else to make you happy and have a great life with them. Please, never forget me.
I will always love you, Jake

I couldn’t stop shaking. He was the only person I could be myself around, he understood me. I can’t imagine finding someone else even close to being like him. I folded the note, put it on my nightstand and went to bed.

Months went by and I still thought about him every day. It was a cold December morning when I was walking to get some coffee at the local coffee shop when I ran into a guy. I knew at that moment that he was the guy. He was the guy Jake wanted me to be with. I don’t know how or why, I just knew. I walked up to him and said hi.

A year went by and we had been dating for 11 months now. He finally proposed when we went to get coffee at the coffee shop we had met each other in. I knew Jake would be happy that I found someone I was happy with and could raise a family with. Before we had a chance to have a wedding, I got pregnant. It was a baby boy and his name would be… Jake.