Before:

I love you so much it hurts. Every nightmare every dream is about how you and I can go either perfectly right or devastating wrong. Just stay when it gets hard and never leave me ever. I pretend to be okay but in reality you always on my mind. Not the whole of it but always a part of it. I'll be good. I will respect and look after you and do my best. Just stay.



When the doubts started:

If I could go back and stop time, just freeze us in that one spot when we were beautiful and happy I would. If I could take back everything that made you doubt us, and let you be sure of me I would. I adore you. Every bone in my body adores you. If I could get over you I would, but if I could get rid of everyone that stood in the way to your heart I would do that even more delightedly. I love you. You have to be mine. I can’t be okay without you. I need you. Come back to me Make this easy on us both.



When it all ended:

They say when you dream about someone, it means they missed you.
I don’t believe it. If it was true he'd be here right now. He'd call me at 3 in the morning just to say can we talk.
He was good to me before he broke my heart. Now I sit and hold a pillow to my chest at night imagining it was his head. I use that same pillow to muffle my sobs so my family won't hear.
I can't read. I can’t write. I can’t eat. I can't breathe.
I want him to come home to me. Not come home as in come back to our house, we don't have one for ourselves yet, but as in come back to someone who loves him.
How does one person’s heart leave and leave the other behind?
My friends say you’re afraid of change. You liked him before which you swore was love. Grow up.
Is growing up leaving love behind? When you’re so sure he's the one? When you’re sure that you both can make it work. That if you kissed him one last time he'd feel it again? But I can't force that kiss on him.
I remember our kisses. They were sweet. How do I describe how sweet they were? They tasted and felt that way. Always gentle. Always careful.



When we became friends again:

So you're with your friend. But you’re grounded. When I called, you said you would be there soon. Now you're with your friend telling me to wait. But wait. You and I were once lovers. You made me wait then. You made plans with me often. You always broke them because daddy dearest called you home.
So I guess that's what’s going to happen. You’ll say you'll be there and then you won't. We're just friends now. Why should I even bother? You never keep your word when it comes to me.
But I'm too faithful for my own good.